How to Know When You’re in a Rich Part of San Francisco

San Francisco is one of the most expensive places in the United States, so, from a national perspective, every neighborhood in San Francisco is a rich neighborhood. The Tenderloin, Mission, Bayview and Visitacion Valley are all considered to be lower income parts of the City, but if you’re paying over 2k for a studio apartment, is it really low income? Maybe in San Francisco, but not anywhere else. 

When exploring the City, one of the telltale signs of wealth is something that people in the suburbs, or even in most parts of Oakland take for granted: detached houses. If you’re in a neighborhood in San Francisco and the houses don’t touch, you’re in a neighborhood owned by the elite. 

L.A. is a great example of what happens when the rich develop an obsession with gratuitous flexing, but San Francisco is different, the rich want you to know they’re morally better than you.

Another dead giveaway are those weird mini libraries where you take a book and leave a book. Rich people love shit like that. It makes them feel like they live in a community or something. I guess it’s good to see what your neighbors are reading. If you see Lolita in there, I’d suggest checking the sex offenders’ registry. Better safe than sorry. 

San Francisco is a city of neighborhoods, but in terms of class, the City is split between East and West.

The difference between the rich in other parts of the country and the Bay Area is the rich in other parts of the nation want you to know they’re better than the poor in terms of either luck or capability. L.A. is a great example of what happens when the rich develop an obsession with gratuitous flexing, but San Francisco is different — the rich want you to know that they’re morally better than you. Expect yard signs, lots of yard signs. If you see Black Lives Matter signs next to some other random sign protesting a relatively insignificant change in the neighborhood, then you’re in a land of Karens and Kyles. Yet, if you were to suggest building affordable housing that would likely benefit San Francisco’s unhoused or minority populations, they’d come up with  a ton of reasons why they can’t. None of the reasons ever really make sense, but they’d say things like “we want to preserve the character of the neighborhood,” or they’d argue that the apartments would cast a shadow over a mushroom that’s growing in someone’s lawn which makes the construction of affordable housing eco terrorism or something.  

San Francisco is a city of neighborhoods, but in terms of class, the City is split between East and West. Western SF is semi-suburban while Eastern SF can be fucking pants-on-head crazy. Aside from the high rise condos, the old money types rarely live in the eastern half the city. They like Pac Heights, The Richmond/Sunset, Twin Peaks and St Francis Wood.

With everything I just listed, you’re probably wondering what the most common sign that you’re in a rich San Francisco neighborhood is, and it may very well surprise you. It’s not detached homes, pretend activism or phony communal literacy.

It’s fucking exotic dogs. 

I’m serious. If you see a French bulldog try to hump a Shiba Inu while your butt is being sniffed by a greyhound, that is the number #1 indication that you’re in a rich part of San Francisco. 

Do you agree?

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