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An “Adult Toy” Shaped Like Coit Tower? Yes Really.

Updated: Aug 22, 2023 08:01
The Bay's best newsletter for underground events & news

For anyone who’s ever said “Fuck San Francisco”, now you can!

This is not a joke! We really made a 100% body safe, platinum-cure, silicone dildo in the shape of Coit Tower.

Look, San Francisco has a lot of phallic buildings, but none of them cum as close to looking like a real dong as Coit Tower. It’s been getting a rise out of San Franciscans since 1933, and while some say it’s supposed to look like the tip of a fire hose, we all know what it really looks like 😉.

Get Your Own Coitus Tower Right Here

We’ve teamed up with the folks at Freely, who offer customizable silicone toys that enable anybody to explore and enhance their sexual wellness in a way that is personal and unique to them. And since so many people are saying “screw San Francisco” these days, we figured we’d help them do it.

Local Journalism for Working stiffs

We write for the poets, busboys, and bartenders. We cover workers, not ‘tech’, not the shiny ‘forbes 100 bullshit’. We write about the business on your corner and the beer in your hand. Join the Bay's best newsletter.

Whether you buy this to pleasure yourself, have it sit on your bookshelf, or send it to your favorite SF hater as a not so subtle “up yours”, you’re going to be satisfied. And it’s only $64.00

Get Your Own Coitus Tower Right Here

Here are Coitus Tower’s specs and details:

  • 100% body safe platinum-cure silicone
  • Phthalate-free
  • Latex-free
  • Waterproof
  • Flared base
  • Total Length: 15.24cm | 6in
  • Insertable Length: 13.7cm | 5.4in
  • Max Width: 3.6cm | 1.45in
  • Max Girth: 11.6cm | 4.55in
  • Hardness: A-20

Enjoy!! 😘

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.