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Willie Brown Announces Run For Mayor in 2024

Updated: Apr 04, 2024 11:01
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Photo of Willie Brown by Gage Skidmore

“I’m the best there ever was.”  – Mayor Willie Brown 

April 1, 2024 – Former Mayor Willie Brown has announced that he too will be running for Mayor of San Francisco. In a crowded field where over 30 people have pulled papers to run, Brown sticks out because, as he says, “I’m the best there ever was. Who else has the chutzpah to use public money to put gold leaf on the dome at City Hall while telling everyone it was private money?”

Despite being 90 years old, the former mayor and former Speaker of the California Assembly, decided to run for mayor again because he says, “I never really left “.

In fact that’s the core message of his new campaign slogan: “I’ve been Mayor This Whole Time Anyway.”

And he’s got a point. The political machine that Brown built, and has run for the past half century, has given San Francisco every mayor since he left the big office at City Hall. Gavin Newsom, Ed Lee, and London Breed have all been anointed by Brown himself. Another of his former protégés, Kamala Harris, is even Vice President of United States.

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“So, why not give it one last go,” Brown explained in an exclusive interview with, “I’m far too well dressed to be hanging out in the shadows. Might as well get my rear end back in the chair in Room 200.”

 This article is satire and does not reflect facts or any real reporting, on account of it being APRIL FOOLS DAY! 

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Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.