Real-Life Miracle Occurs Aboard San Francisco MUNI
I don’t know what to tell you, she just lights up the room.
A miracle occurred on a San Francisco MUNI bus yesterday.
On April 21st at approximately 7:30 PM, Reddit user Scoofy was nearing the end of a long journey. One reasonably expects a MUNI bus “chock full of folks from all walks of life” to be loud inside. It’s partly why I wear earbuds on my commutes aboard the 27-Bryant. Without them I’m party to football games, wrestling matches, aggressive music, talk shows, porn, even NPR. Scoofy experienced a rare treat of a MUNI encounter.
“[I] somehow hit the jackpot of not hearing [the] tinny music from someone’s phone speakers I [usually] hear through my headphones,” the pleased passenger said.
Bracing for cacophony, Scoofy observed every other rider wearing headphones. No one blared their music from a speaker meant to be enjoyed by consenting listeners.
“Thank you, headphone wearers. I know I’m irrationally irritated by other people’s music/noise on the bus, but today was a good day because of you.”
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“This is actually completely rational,” replied FeralGiraffeAttack. “If people forget headphones they just shouldn’t play music on the bus.”
Every trip aboard San Francisco MUNI comes with the risk of hearing untoward media played loudly from some speaker. It’s a nuisance for most. For others, particularly those with sensory issues, it can be overwhelming.
Triangle people + coffee graph + ________ = Profit?
The population exposure to artificial sound hit a saturation point long ago. Loudspeakers broadcast melodies for spending cash at shopping malls, imbibing at cocktail lounges, homeless deterrence at grocery stores. The Star Wars theme on repeat certainly worsens a person’s already fitful sleep on the cold hard San Francisco sidewalk. Bluetooth speakers blasting anybody from Bush, Björk, to Beyonce will easily bruise your day at Baker Beach. Experts recommend plugging both ears with your forefingers and going la-la-la at school, work, human tragedy and at home with the kids.
The worst outcome imaginable however ranks essential on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. “I hate having to listen to…music I dislike or god forbid a bluetooth speaker in such a small, cramped environment,” FeralGiraffeAttack complained. “It’s crazy how many people seem to think they’re the main character constantly and have no respect for others in public spaces in this city.”
“I was on the 44,” commented Reddit user billlyyy, “and some woman was playing TikTok at a volume high enough for the back of the bus to hear it. I forgot my headphones and was gonna lose it…”
Another MUNI miracle may be in the works. Mayor London Breed has allegedly agreed to legalize the execution of all noise violators by the time she leaves office.* It means public enemies like the inconsiderate and the senile can and will be shot on sight.** Another Reddit user added those who take/make calls on speakerphone ***to the list of riders to be shot. Mayor Breed was last heard to be taking the late addendum under consideration.
*No, she didn’t.
**No, it doesn’t.
***The truth ended with “speakerphone” which, while equally annoying, is also not punishable by death.
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