Breaking News: San Jose Actually Has Something Cool

I’ve lived in the Bay Area my entire life aside from six months in Sacramento and a year in Glendale; which I was too young to remember much of, except for the fact I recall it being 70+ degrees on average in December. You can’t trust a place where the weather feels faker than the people, and in Los Angeles County, that’s quite an accomplishment. 

During my time here, there are things I’ve never said – one of those unuttered phrases was “let’s go to San Jose.” 

San Jose is our equivalent to those Chinese ‘ghost cities’ you hear about. The buildings are there, but the people and excitement aren’t. And don’t tell me to go to Santana Row. I swear to fucking God, I could do the same thing in Walnut Creek or that fucking mall in Emeryville. What is it called? Bay Street. That corporate hellscape offers an incredible view and exceptional people watching. Bay Street is the best soulless monstrosity money can buy. Palm Trees with string lights around them doesn’t make a downtown exciting, San Jose. 

But to my surprise, you guys do have something I really enjoy beside boba. Which you admittedly have a lot of.

I’m talking about the San Jose Improv. It’s so much fun you actually forget you’re in San Jose. That’s a compliment. I know it appears like I’m talking shit, but I’m not. You guys have something cool. Until I went to the Improv I couldn’t name one thing you guys had, now I can name one thing. Two if you count the Boba shops.

My discovery was made even better by Tim Dillon’s stellar performance. I’ve been listening to his podcast for years, and it has gotten me through some legitimately rough times in my life. So when he comes to the Bay, even if it’s San Jose, I stop what I’m doing and make an effort to see him. 

Obviously I don’t actually hate San Jose, it’s a perfectly suitable city. It’s mediocre and nowhere near as exciting as SF and Oakland, but it does serve its purpose. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong about being 46 suburbs in a high tech trench coat. But considering the city was essentially built by Silicon Valley, having a place like the Improv – a place that is culturally significant independent of tech and feels steeped in legitimate history, is a nice change of pace from the general atmosphere of San Jose. 

So next time someone invites you to go and hang out in San Jose, instead of declining, have an open mind. I’m sure there are plenty of cool things in San Jose that I’ve yet to hear about, but going to Improv made me want to give the entire 408 a chance.

It might be worth your time. It probably won’t be, but who the fuck knows? Maybe you like strip malls and the Winchester Mystery House. Speaking of the Winchester Mystery House – do you know they made a movie about it? In the synopsis from the film, they describe San Jose as “an isolated stretch of land that’s 50 miles outside of San Francisco.”

That’s pretty rough.

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