Starting Monday, an additional 8,000 San Francisco city employees began shuffling back into the office at least four days a week as part of Mayor Daniel Lurie’s crusade to bring “pre-pandemic normal” back to a downtown that now resembles a very expensive ghost mall.
Restaurants near City Hall are practically salivating. At Chao Pescao, they’ve been waiting for this like it’s a royal wedding. “Just to have that extra boost and foot traffic from them is going to be amazing,” said manager Juliane Roberts-Hansen to ABC 7 News, presumably picturing a tidal wave of civil servants ordering cocktails that taste like paperwork.
The place is ready. “We are just restocking our bar, making sure our prepared cocktails are batched, making sure the kitchen is ready and prepared for the extra flow of business,” Roberts-Hansen added because nothing screams “revitalization” like forcing people into a place they don’t need to be.
Lurie announced the back-to-office mandate in February, dropping the bomb in a memo that told employees they’d only get one precious remote day a week. According to the city’s Human Resources Department, 24,000 employees, roughly 70% of the workforce are already chained to their desks five or more days a week. Now the other 8,000 are joining the party, whether they like it or not.
Transit agencies are also desperately awaiting the arrival of workers. BART is facing a $376 million deficit by 2027, and Muni a $320 million hole by 2026. Enter the captive commuter class. “We are ready. We have seen really strong recovery in our neighborhoods and in our schools but we are still not seeing strong ridership in the downtown areas, so we have the capacity there we are ready for the customers,” said SFMTA Director Julie Kirschbaum, sounding like someone inviting you to sit in traffic for civic duty.
Kirschbaum says Muni will be adding service to make sure no one can use the “my bus was too crowded” excuse. “We will be adding trips on the 1 Express which will offer quick connections but will also help make sure we don’t have too much crowding on the 1 California. We are also adding service to the 30X so that people who are coming from the Marina have a quick connection if they are coming to the financial district,” she said.
BART, meanwhile, is trying to market itself like a tech startup minus the Patagonia vests. “Those who are returning to the office, what they are going to find with BART is something all new. Our trains are all new, we’ve got new fare gates, we have more officers than ever before, they are riding on the trains, they’re walking the platforms,” said spokesperson Alicia Trost. Nothing screams “fresh start” like cops abusing overtime while standing there making sure the money is safe. So Innovative.
And yes, the police are ready too. “All of our traffic units will all be out. Most importantly is where they are going to be focusing not only on the schools but also the high traffic corridors where again most of our issues and most of the people and bicycles converge,” said SFPD Deputy Chief Jason Sawyer. Translation: traffic tickets are back because fuck you.
Welcome back to Downtown San Francisco. Make sure to spend your money. After that please go back to your home that is anywhere between 10 and 100 miles away. I don’t know if nature is healing, but capitalism certainly is. The exit is through the giftshop.
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