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WTF Are These New Tinder ‘Terms of Use’?

Anyone trying to swipe on Tinder now gets immediately accosted with a new ‘Updated Terms of Use and Privacy Policy’ that you have to agree to or else you can’t get any action. Tinder assumes you’re so hookup-hungry you’ll click ‘Agree’ on anything.

But what are you agreeing to here? We sicced the Broke-Ass Legal I-Team (which has no Bar-accredited lawyers) on the case, to fine-tooth-comb this shit and figure out how exactly Tinder plans to use this Terms of Use change to fuck with your personal data going forward, and why.

Here’s what you see when you try to log in to Tinder right now. When an app unveils a new Privacy Policy, you can be goddamned sure it involves less privacy for you, the user.

Tinder’s Privacy Policy changes instituted on Wednesday, May 9 alter your “Arbitration Agreement” and “Limitation of Liability” provisions, which is legalese for “It will be harder for you to sue us if something bad happens to you because of our fuck-ups.” This indicates Tinder may feel it has some significant class action lawsuit exposure on the horizon that it wants users to opt out of ASAP.

Notice that these Updated Terms of Service demand that you “arbitrate any past, pending, future claims” against Tinder. That means you can’t sue this $3 billion company even if they have a spectacularly bad data breach that completely ruins your life.

Remember when the 2015 Ashley Madison hack caused multiple suicides and victims sued for a half a billion dollars? Tinder would like to avoid such outcomes, with the help of their new Terms of Use that resolves them of responsibility no matter how badly they fuck up.

 

Image: Comedy Central

These new Terms of Use also contain revised Limitation of Liability provisions. The limitation of liability clause again generally limits a company’s legal exposure if, say, you get assaulted or something awful happens on a Tinder date, or you’re harassed online. Tinder’s new limitation liability, which is bizarrely in all capital letters, seems pretty clear about what rights you have as a Tinder user. “IN NO EVENT SHALL TINDER, ITS AFFILIATES, EMPLOYEES, LICENSORS OR SERVICE PROVIDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, EXEMPLARY, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, PUNITIVE, OR ENHANCED DAMAGES,” the updated agreement says.

Tinder may or may not have a big privacy scandal looming, or maybe one of their attorneys saw a potential loophole that they wanted to have closed. But if Tinder is swiping out its old privacy policy for a new one, you can be sure it’s for their benefit and not yours.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.