‘Twas a Broke-Ass Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And low and behold
Not a gift had been purchased
Not even some coal.
What was a broke-ass to do
In an economy like this
Better trust in Santa –
Or go steal some gifts.
I scoped out my hood
Creepin’ in all the windows
Snatching my presents up
From dumb suburbian bimbos.
I went to the Goodwill
And wore a big jacket
While the clerk wasn’t looking
I went ahead and packed it.
I went to the canned food drive
These fools were so silly
I scored Christmas dinner
And even a six-pack to get shwilly.
The later it got
The more ideas came to mind
I head to the church
For midnight mass and some wine.
When they passed me that basket
To put in some donations,
I scooped it all up
Without a second contemplation.
I hit up the 24-hour market
And bought some cheap crap
To give to my family
Something they could at least unwrap.
That night I went to bed
Feeling quite satisfied
That in the morning when I woke up
They’d see that Santa didn’t die.
The kids could open their stockings
Getting those expired chocolate bars
And spend the day playing
With the second hand toy cars.
‘Twas a Broke-Ass Christmas
But I didn’t care
Everybody was happy
And I had some change to spare!
