Single In NYC: Things To Do That Don’t Suck
Looking for things to do in New York City on the cheap can be painful. Last week I saw “Singles Painting Mixer–Wine and Cheese Night”. I’d rather jump off the Brooklyn Bridge or do that Polar Bear Swim. What the heck kind of crap are they pitching at us single people these days? I have to pay for that. Unless we’re painting naked guys that I can get wasted and take home, I don’t want any part of a ‘Singles Painting Mixer’. In my plight, determination lead me on a quest to find some killer nights out for those of you that don’t really have all the money in the world, and have no interest in something called a ‘painting mixer’.
Photo Credit: Splitsider.Com
Laugh Out Loud
Try hitting up a night with the crazy kids at UCB Theatre in Chelsea, then venture over to Peter McManus Cafe for a boat load of fun and decent priced booze. With killer comedy created by some of the most talented writers, comedians and actors in the city–you can book a night for free or some illegal performances for no more than five bucks. Not only will you laugh your ass off, which counts as cardio, you can mingle with said comedy gurus at McManus afterwards for even more tawdry shenanigans.
Hand Job Academy
Photo Credit: NicoleMago.com
Break out your sweet dance moves and get pretty fly for a white guy on one helluva night with Hand Job Academy. Yep. They’re called Hand Job Academy. Three bad-ass women make up this rap trio: Ash Wednesday, Clara Bizna$$ and Uncle Meg will spit mad tunes your way for one night out that sincerely does not suck. With songs like Shark Week and Lena Dunham who wouldn’t love these ladies. Unlike Kid Rock who’s backing the douchey Donald, these girls have bigger badder party plans for you:
This Friday (February 5th) from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. is the Big Ass Party For Bernie at the House of YES
(2 Wyckoff Ave. Brooklyn – Bushwick). It’s $20 advance/$30 at the door. Tickets can be purchased here.
Get Your Trailer Trash On
Photo Credit: RetroRoadMap.com
Getting a little white girl wasted on a night out is one way to live it up in NYC. Check out Trailer Park Lounge. They serve tater tots. Need I say more? Their slogan is “The Place to Meet Your Next Ex!” P.B.R. and Schaefer Beer for 3 bucks, and their “ World Famous Margaritas” are just $5 On The Rocks or $6 Frozen. Get your flirt on in this NYC treasure straight outta Dirty Dive Bar Heaven.
Free Beer
What? I’m broke, and if you’re reading this–you probably are too. Free beer probably only applies to women, but whatever. Get yourself an OKCupid account. Seems to be the most respectful of the men trolling the internet. I moved to NY before Tinder. Plus, it’s only good for free pizza.
Write something niche in your profile like “I love speakeasies.” I’ve seen the inside of bars most of you wouldn’t even know exist in NY. Amazing, the things men will do if they think they’re getting laid. When the night’s about to end you cheekily book an uber from the bathroom. Then join your mates for a night cap at your local. What? I didn’t say I was nice. Just promised a night out that doesn’t suck, which really won’t suck if you get a Tinder guy to deliver you and your friends a pizza at said local.
