Where to Move if Trump is Elected

via theyeshivaworld.com

When some months ago we started picking places to move to if Donald Trump gets elected it was an innocent joke. But we’ve come a long way since then: to the week of the RNC, where Trump became a GOP candidate. (EDIT: this is far far worse than the week that follows the week in which the least bad news was that Boris Johnson was named British Foreign Secretary.) Time to distil drugs, methinks.

It’s surprisingly difficult to find a place to go: the world is a mess, and we’re not actually eligible  to claim refugee status. The fact that our countries are run by incompetent assholes differently ideal political leaders is not recognized as grounds for humanitarian asylum, not even under the rubric of “other serious harm”.  Far worse things than ‘lunatics taking over the asylum‘ fail to qualify you for international protection. Jussayin’.

Additional problem: type “Best places to move to if Trump is elected” into any search engine and you’ll end up with the same five places.

The top one is Svalbard, mostly because anyone can live and work there without a  visa. It sounds great, in theory: it is a surprisingly diverse community of fewer than 3,000 people and has several cultural institutions. In practice? Well, it is halfway to the North Pole. As there is no health insurance system, you have to have enough money to pay out-of-pocket for everything. And, to be honest, it sounds a lot like Fortitude, which turned out to be not so great after all.

The other four are the usual suspects (Canada, Ireland, New Zealand and Sweden). Conspicuously absent is Denmark (a.k.a. the happiest place on earth, presumably because you might get relieved of your valuables if they suspect you want to claim benefits).

via youtube.com

While Canada is an obvious choice, particularly for a skilled worker you will be facing stiff competition. Consider Mexico – yes, is it exactly what you’ve always suspected: the wall, like all walls, is actually meant to keep you in.

Sweden is expensive, Ireland is still struggling after the recession and is really only an option if you are a dual citizen – that is true for all of the EU, especially now with Brexit on one end, a thwarted military coup on the other, and a whole lot of other crap in between. Update: Ireland is totally cool with Trump fleerers.

New Zealand is just far.

We’ve run several pieces on how to work internationally or travel on the cheap. This is still an option but know that even since our last piece, the situation has changed. Look for places in South America and Asia – particularly if you’re an untenured university role.

And remember, petrodollars aren’t anymore.

You can move abroad to study or volunteer. Research: most countries will provide some form of free education, which can be great. If you volunteer, make sure you do so by following the part of the Hippocratic Oath that encourages “to do good or to do no harm”. You don’t want to be another Louise Linton. Find a reputable local organization that supports a cause you’re passionate about and actually does something valuable, not something that will make you look good.

If you want to stay closer to home, go to one of the tax havens in the Caribbean (although if you are the type who can go to a tax haven, you’ve probably nothing to fear here). In any case: we recommend Anguilla because Netflix is way better than pretty much anywhere else outside the US.

via worldatlas.com

If you choose to escape to one of those friendly Pacific countries because you don’t want to face the attitude the rest of the world has towards Americans now (young readers, consult older friends who’ve done the whole emigrant thing under Bush Jr.), you may want to pick the Marshall Islands – but pick them quickly, because based on Trump’s energy policy there might be no Marshall Islands by the end of his term. Or anything else, for that matter!

Speaking of things that matter: you can simply stay at home and work for causes you believe in. Based on the events we’ve seen last week, your efforts are very much needed. Good luck!