I moved to New York from the Bay Area last year, and basically since I arrived people have not stopped reminding me how little I know about living here. Nearly every week I am given an unprompted lesson in how ignorant I am to the best bars or restaurants, or

Since the dawn of Man there have been beards (actually back then we were pretty much covered in beard). Then one day we invented cutting utensils and thought “Hey, let’s use this sharp stuff to carve weird designs into our beards” and we did.

If your nipples aren’t bleeding yet, I would assume that you are not human. I can understand, however, the physical dexterity you possess, which prevents blood from leaking out of your tightly erect nipples, if you answer to the names Mr. Freeze, Queen Elsa of Arendelle, Princess Anna of Arendelle,