St. Patrick and Mr. De Mayo have fun holidays named after them, but at some point we have to acknowledge that we as a nation are guilty of using cultural appropriation (ie: Miley Cyrus) as a reason to get blitzed on a weekday. Shame on all of you: you need

A still from last year’s Thanksgiving Unless he went out for cigarettes and never came back, your dad is one of the top five most important people in your life (somewhere in the mix with mom, Elvis, and Nicholas Cage). Have you ever heard the maxim, “I brought you into

Murica! Did you know that most people don’t know the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day? Including your author? Memorial Day honors the men and women who died for our country. Veterans Day celebrates all service men and women, living and otherwise (dead, Marissa. Say “dead”). Got that straight?

I love a reason to drink. Antioxidants? Pour me another glass of Pinot. Whiskey prevents cancer? ‘Scuse me while I finish this Jameson smoothie. Your wife left you? What a bitch. Let’s make sangria (I make great sangria). Having a reason to drink is part of what makes America great