Is It Just Me, or do Earthquakes Not Hit Like They Used To?

Growing up in The Bay Area, I’ve experienced several earthquakes, and the vast majority of them were unremarkable. This is especially true if you’ve ever felt one of size. I assume earthquakes are like cocks, once you feel a big one, the rest are no big deal. I don’t have any experience with penis, as I’m not gay, but I think dicks and earthquakes have a lot more in common, at least metaphorically, than people may think. Once you get absolutely rocked by one and survive, you’re no longer afraid. At least that’s my guess.

As a kid, I used to be afraid of earthquakes. My mom told me about her experience living in the city during the 1989 earthquake. I heard all about the fires, the partial collapse of the Bay Bridge, the destruction in San Francisco’s Marina District and West Oakland.

As a result of my mom’s lived experience in ‘89 and the footage of San Francisco after the 1906 earthquake, which subsequently burned much of San Francisco to the ground. I’d panic at even the slightest tremor.

But that all changed in 2014 when I was confronted with a LONG, GIRTHY, 6.0 earthquake centered just 7 or 8 miles north of my house in Vallejo.

To put that into perspective, the Loma Prieta quake which rocked San Francisco was a 6.9, and despite sounding like they are relatively close in destructive capability, a 6.9 earthquake is actually a lot stronger than a 6.0, but I don’t expect you to know anything about seismic activity, so I’m going to present this information as if they’re similar in size because they’re numerically both in the 6.something category. Just so you know, a 6.9 has almost 10 times more amplitude than a 6.0.

Instead of breaking earthquakes down with a numeric rating, I rate them based on if they can wake me up or not.

When the South Napa quake struck, I was sleeping in my bed, and I remember waking up screaming. I initially thought I was having a bad dream about a poltergeist who desperately wanted to turn me into a pretzel, but in actuality there wasn’t a poltergeist or some other angry spirit, but an actual fucking earthquake that was strong enough to make my big ass do backflips in bed.

That was an exaggeration, but the quake was strong enough that my body did get thrown into the air more than once as I tried to figure out what the fuck to do. Also the sound of earthquakes don’t really help. The planet basically fucking growls at you as it turns you and all of your belongings into basketballs. I’m not a religious person, and I don’t regularly pray, but when that shit was happening, every other word out of my mouth had something to do with God.

But after that experience, something inside of me went numb. I saw the damage in Downtown Vallejo and parts of Napa, and while I admit the damage was bad, and that the quake was powerful, and undeniably destructive, I stopped being afraid of them.

I understand that they can kill me and I definitely know they knock my fucking books on the floor because the Napa earthquake did, but after going through it, I just accepted them as a part of life.

So, to anyone reading this who has grown up in California and experienced multiple earthquakes, are you still scared of them, or are earthquakes not hitting like they used to?