Surprise Your Stoner Sweetheart with the 12 Jays of X-Mas

Trust the stoner in your life who says they want weed for the holidays. Don’t bother substituting it for something “more meaningful.” It’ll be meaningful if you show up with pot. Feel free to gift pot and, but never something in lieu of. We stoners are a humble folk who only wish to be left to our devices with phat snacks and a solid WiFi connection. Weed is the perfect gift. 

Disappointed by the dearth of holiday spirit in scoring weed for your loved one? Do you still refer to the act of obtaining now-legalized cannabis as a “score?” Worry no more; the solution is here. The pride of Northern California, festively packaged as a symphony of THC: 12 Jays of X-mas by Emerald Triangle Craft. 

This thoughtful assortment runs the full spectrum of effects, including Sativa, Sativa-dominant hybrid, Hybrid, Indica-dominant hybrid, and Indica strains. Here’s what’s inside: 

Any self-respecting Sativa Diva will be thrilled as a kid on Christmas morning when they find this surprise inside. Its renowned effects include temporary loss of fundamental sentence structure, tarantism, persistent giggles, enough energy to clean your whole apartment. Humboldt Nation’s 1g Green Crack pre-roll delivers smooth, fine pulls off a joint evocative of vintage cigarettes that won’t canoe! For me, the worst part about smoking this pre-roll was when it ran out. Thankfully, Green Crack is one weed strain that tends not to leave you with a case of the munchies. 

Like a Millennial standup comic, Sour Diesel started in California before moving to NYC only to move back, refined but “missing the sun.” Growers have kept this one around since its early 90s debut because faithful fans translates to predictable profits: a surefire bet. Sour Diesel belongs to a trifecta of potent sativas along with Green Crack and Durban Poison. Of those three, this is the workhorse strain. It’s gotten me through some hard times—my undergrad years, medication titrations and withdrawals, the second half of an eight-hour shift. 

It smells like I imagine the gasoline fight in Zoolander did, before it turned tragic. The Sour Diesel pre-roll from Sol Spirit Farms is a one-gram, all-flower (that is, no shake) joint. “All flower” or “Whole flower,” isn’t as important a distinction as indica/hybrid/sativa. Shake is kind of like MSG: it isn’t bad for you but negative associations force sellers to distinguish their product. Like the majority of pre-rolls on the market, this joint was machine-rolled. Again, not a bad thing, but machine-rolled joints can turn out unevenly packed and therefore be susceptible to canoeing. 

Use this quick fix: Loosen the smokeable end, pinch it between your thumb and forefinger. Next, shake it like you would a sugar packet (just not so vigorously!). Smooth it down to the filter with your other thumb and forefinger and repeat until voids are packed. Then, twist your joint closed, light up, and enjoy what should be a more evenly-burning jay. 

If it wasn’t obvious by how much I have to say about them, I am clearly a Sativa Diva. That said, I need an indica here and there, and Humboldt Homegrown’s contribution to the 12 Jays of X-Mas provides. The method to my madness is smoking part of the joint to assess its smokeability and bowling the rest. In doing so, I get to dissect the pre-roll and inspect the ground cannabis within. I was immediately struck by the fluffy, vibrant green flower—truly zero shake—then the aroma of tropical fruit. I took my time with Papaya Punch, and it sure took its time with me. 

Just barely sativa-dominant, Green Apple Runtz is a lenient hybrid that lets you decide where your high’s gonna go. It’s social and buzzy enough to share with friends and not lose the thread of a conversation. However, it is just as much at home with you on the couch and a rerun of your favorite show. The growers of this popular Runtz offshoot, Poet, characterizes its flavor profile as a “sweet tart apple, fuel, and earthy spice flavor with an apple candy, lemon lime zest, and OG funk aroma.” It certainly tastes like it smells: sweet and kushy.

Be right back, I have cottonmouth like a mother.

When potheads like myself start using baked goods to define a strain’s flavor and scent, I think it’s the munchies talking. Sunrise Mountain’s Blueberry Muffin really does taste and smell like a goddamn fresh tray of blueberry muffins. This must be what coffeeshops in Amsterdam smell like, I thought. This joint felt like a deep breath for the mind and soul. The body high is cradling while mental effects include an immediate drop in stress and mild euphoria. You’ll feel like the cutest little pastry in the bunch. 

The Winter Wonderland pre-roll from Moon Made Farms is an all-flower, one-gram joint with truly therapeutic indica-dominant parentage. A marriage of Mic Drop x Grapes & Cream, this one isn’t a couchlocker unless you need it to be. It’s ideal for those whose anxiety runs on the higher side and any caffeine junkies looking to crash softly (hi). Moon Made Farms describes a flavor profile with “sizzling roasted marshmallows with a herbaceous chocolate and espresso with dried fruit and maple leaf.” I got “fresh-cut grass” myself, and I’m into that sort of thing, an unsung scent of summers long ago. This one stuck with me, literally; its effects (anxiolytic, equalizing) lasted for longer than anticipated. 

“Hybrid” is a broad term in the cannabis industry. Even biologically it means countless plant permutations that take its effects beyond THC content and the sativa/indica dichotomy. Hybrids make up most of pot plants out there, with “pure,” or landrace strains few and far between. What that means is even two 50/50 sativa/indica hybrids will yield different effects respectively. 

That Good Good Farm’s Sticky Bunz hybrid blends Kush Mints with Gelatti, down-bad with fruity, funk meets disco. Stoner pals on opposite sides of the aisle can safely share this pre-roll. Indica fans will appreciate feeling upbeat but not anxious while sativa lovers won’t risk feeling sleepy! I think the right hybrid could end wars. 

The growers of this strain ascribe it a “sweet baked goods aroma.” I got pronounced kush vibes: earthy, gassy, peppery. What matters is, the joint fulfills what That Good Good Farm promises, an even, mellow high. They’re right to be proud of this one.

This barely indica-dominant strain is a hybrid of two hybrids, Platinum Pie and Long Valley Royal Kush. The strong sativa component from LVRK buoys the otherwise leveling effects of its potent indica genetics. The name implies this pre-roll is suitable for all occasions (hence Any Weather), or perhaps it grows in any climate. I spent a good minute in that etymological wormhole before realizing how high I was. Mendo Mystic has blessed us with one of those strains that can launch you into space if you aren’t careful. It tastes like lemongrass and sugar pine, and smells like the earth from which it grew. Any Weather could be Humboldt County’s pot mascot. 

Citrus is delicious. A jug of limeade never lasts more than 24 hours in my fridge. I love limes so much, I once bought a lime tree, but then it died (RIP). So imagine my delight when I sparked up Tahiti Lime from Humboldt Nation and actually got what I hoped for! That particular citrus note, pinier than its close cousin lemon, is a precise target to hit, and Humboldt Nation knows it. The high is heady and a little silly, attributes of Tahiti Lime’s sativa heritage. A Do-si-dos indica base provides a gentle body high and hefty THC content. It could be my preference for limes talking, but this pre-roll won my heart. 

Talking Trees has been in the game for awhile, and that’s a good thing. They grow gold-standard, high-quality pot whose consistency established a firm fan base throughout Northern California. I sold their product at many Bay Area dispensaries, which is how I came to love their hash(!). This pre-roll re-affirmed my appreciation for this farm, which recently switched to 100%-compostable packaging. This bud proved to be as pleasing as the first Talking Trees eighth I bought.

With notes of earthy lavender and a minor lemon kick, Talking Trees’ Grape Z hits quick—perfect for immediate stress relief. It feels like a scalp massage with one of those metal spider-looking things. Pink Lemonade Z x Modified Grapes give this strain a gentle personality, not overbearing like OG or Afghan Kush which will club you over the head. This shouldn’t make you sleepy unless you’re already tired. Excellent stuff, Talking Trees! Another joint I was sad to finish!

This pre-roll smoked like a true joint: dense, a bit harsh, but terribly effective at fucking you right up. Its Lurch x GMO parentage and respectable THC content (24.29%) lend it more potency than an easier-going indica hybrid like Northern Lights. Sun Roots Farm details a fuel-and-spice flavor profile of and an aroma of sweet, skunky gas. Indeed, the dank stank made me nostalgic for the days of hot-boxing my old Toyota. Sun Roots Farms thoughtfully left some functionality to Mule Fuel, which allowed enough mobility to make a bomb-ass spaghetti dinner. 

Stoners know that no two indicas are exactly alike. You got your sleepers, couchlockers, light hitters (low- to medium-impact strains like Gelato or Do-si-dos), and munchies to name a few. Papaya Bomb by Bigfoot Cannabis Company is what we call a creeper. Whereas the Grape Z came on quickly, I didn’t feel the Papaya Bomb go off until I tried standing up. In that sense, it felt more like a landmine. This is the most indica-leaning pre-roll in the 12 Jays of X-mas box. With barely a trace of sativa lineage, this strain obliterates aches and pains, leaving your brain relatively untouched. Papaya Bomb is an explosion of relief in slow motion, true medicine for those who suffer chronic pain. 

The 12 Jays of X-Mas is rare among boxsets in its top-shelf curation and reasonable price. At $125, it comes down to $10 a pre-roll and $5 for the lovely hand-illustrated packaging. Plus, the weed was grown local, so the proceeds stay local. Your money will go directly to the people who tended these plants from seedlings. Happy Holi-jays!