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The Greatest Date in Hayes Valley History

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This Post is sponsored by our friends at Membo, hooking you up with discounts and experiences at the best places in Hayes Valley, for free, and donating $1 to neighborhood charities for every person that signs up using the brokeassstuart link
paxtisThis story is not for the faint of heart or the weak willed, it’s a tale of two legends and their journey through the most amazing shopping & eating play-date this city has ever seen.  Come with us on their journey, and witness as our two heroes navigate the perils of shopping on a budget in cute boutiques and wine bars.  But be careful, it may make your fucking brain explode

Getting Ready For the Big Date

Our journey begins just as so many other hero’s journeys have throughout hallowed antiquity.  Through the doors of beauty parlors and medical marijuana clinics.  Stuart arrives at his Doctor’s appointment, where he would have been on time if it weren’t for his ‘chronic glaucoma’. @ MMJ Doctor

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MMJ DOCTOR: 20% off every consultation & referral w/ Hayes Valley Pass

Meanwhile Ashley gets the greatest blowout and deep conditioning in the history of people and hair.  @Headlight Hair Studio

Headlights Hair Blowout

Headlights Hair Studio: FREE Deep Conditioning Treatment w/ Blowout purchase

After passing his medical exam our fare hero wishes to celebrate his victory at the finest Japanese Booze shop in the land, True Sake

True Sake 1

TRUE SAKE: 10% off one purchase

Ashley finishes her hair appointment, and like any folk hero would, she takes her Membo Pass to get her nails did.  She is the fucking Joan of Arc of personal beauty. @ Pampered Girl

Pampered Girl

PAMPERED GIRL: $2 off a manicure/pedicure w/ Hayes Valley Pass

Meanwhile, Stuart’s victory celebration continues.   And like any insanely famous diva, his visit to True Sake will forever be remembered for it’s merriment, indulgence, and duration bordering on loitering

It’s almost time to meet-up for the big play date with Ashley, So Stuart does the most incredible, responsible and brave act a man can do for his lady, he sobers up before lunch. @ Artis Coffee

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ARTÍS COFFEE: 10% off all coffee bar drinks. Full disclosure: Baristas were paid during the filming of this promotion


The Ultimate Dating Experience

The President and First Lady of ‘dope’, meet for the ultimate expression of romance & ‘joie de vivre’, motherfucking Chicago style deep dish pizza at Patxi’s

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PATXIS PIZZA: $5 off any $20 order (excluding delivery)

For dessert, they did the only thing international sex legends should do in this situation, they crushed macarons at Miette

miette 2

MIETTE: $1 Macaron Happy Hour! Weekdays 6-7pm (limit of 12)

Long ago, important people discovered that bike helmets look really cool on everyone, and that walking was for second-class legends @ CityRide Bike Rentals

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CityRide Bike Rentals: 25% off all bike rentals just for flashing your Membo Pass

Fuck these two people are so cool.  But they wanted to step it up a notch, lay on the throttle for a while, throw caution to the wind, and buy some face melting candy treats at Papabubble 


PAPABUBBLE: FREE bag of limited edition Membo champagne candy

Have you ever touched heaven?  Have you ever ridden Herme’s chariot to a land of debauchery and carnal bliss?  Because that’s what it’s like having a quiet glass of wine at Fig & Thistle with these two AMERICAN BADASSES

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FIG & THISTLE: 10% off bottles to go from the bar & tasting events

 Last Stop at Upper Playground in the Lower Haight, why? Because Kings and Queens dorn themselves in only the finest silks and the pinkest bunnies.

Upper Playground 1

UPPER PLAYGROUND: 15% off every purchase, like this Buck Tooth Bunny Cap By Jeremy Fish



Joining Membo essentially gets you %10 off or better at all the good stuff in Hayes Valley.  It also happens to be FREE and contributes to local charities like the LGBT Center & Hayes Valley Neighborhood Association with every signup via the Brokeassstuart link.  You don’t need to download an app, or sign away your first born, all you need is an email address.

Sign up with our link HERE



All Photographs Taken By The Amazing Victoria Smith, Check her out here:

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

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