8 Easy Sandwiches for When Your Life is in Shambles
by Ellisha Rader
Woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat, smelling of desperation and starving? As you do the walk of shame to your change jar, you suddenly remember you emptied it out earlier that night to pay for the cab to send home the stranger you just had awkward sex with on the couch…
We’ve all been there. You might not have the cash to make your late-night Taco Bell run, but you don’t have to go back
to bed hungry. Here are eight easy sandwiches you can make when you’re hungry, broke, and (if we’re honest) probably kind of drunk:
Grilled Egg & Cheese
Pretty simple, but also pretty satisfying. You also might not feel like you are dying after you eat it. Scramble or fry an egg and add it to the bread and cheese. Butter the outside of each piece of bread and grill it in a pan until browned. Eat it with those stale chips you’ve been hiding from your roommate.
Crispy Fried Spam
Spam is like the crazy ex-girlfriend that calls you drunk on an otherwise hopeless night. You know better, but you don’t really have any other options. A late night with spam might also leave you feeling the same type of regret. If you happen to have some of this cheap but versatile meat wannabe in your pantry, you have the makings of a great sandwich. Slice up that spam, fry it until the edges are crispy and then toss it on some bread with some mayo, pickles, hot sauce, or whatever your favorite condiment is. Take it to bed with you; those drips of mayo will easily blend in with all the other stains on your sheets…
Cucumber on Wheat
This is the kind of sandwich you pay $14 for at the local coffee shop. It’s also the kind of sandwich that gives you a reason to buy cucumbers and wheat bread. Just because you are poor doesn’t mean you can’t eat healthily, and this sandwich will treat you right after a night out drinking or to impress your mom when he stops by for a surprise lunch visit. Just slice up your cucumbers and add salt and pepper to taste. Spread some mayo or hummus on the bread and add the cucumber slices. Fancy!
Fried Bologna
If you think you are too good for bologna, then you either aren’t that poor, or you aren’t that hungry. Sure it might remind you of a slimy earthworm, but it wasn’t that long ago that you begged your mom to pack a bologna and ketchup sandwich in your school lunch. It’s time to go back to your roots. Fry up a couple of pieces of bologna and add them to some bread with lettuce, tomato, and whatever other crisp vegetables you have lying around.. The smell of burnt bologna may also seem like a nice change from the scent of stale sex and dirty laundry that are usually present in your apartment!
Leftover Pizza Melt
The pizza crust might go stale in your fridge, but those toppings are just as fresh as the day you ordered
that pie. It would be a shame to waste them. Scrape them in-between two pieces of bread and grill it on
the stove until the cheese melts (again). This might just be the tastiest and heartiest grilled cheese you
have ever had.
Open-Face Texas Toast
Texas toast is cheap, and it lasts forever in your freezer. If you want a cheap and hot sandwich, simply
grab a few pieces of frozen Texas toast and add your favorite sandwich toppings. Some turkey, mayo,
and cheese or roast beef and mustard should do the trick. Add the toppings to the top of the toast and
heat it up in the oven until it all melts together. The possibilities are endless with this sandwich.
Peanut Butter and Banana
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but when is the last time you had a good peanut butter sandwich?
How about a piece of fruit? Swat those fruit flies away, slice up that banana and spread on that peanut
butter. Brings you back to your childhood, right? Go ahead, eat it on the couch while watching cartoons.
That is, if your cable hasn’t been shut off yet.
Spaghetti Sandwich
Spaghetti is a poor man’s food, so there’s a good chance you have some leftovers on hand. You can turn
those leftovers into a sandwich for the ultimate dose of carbs that will help soak up all that self-loathing
you feel. Warm up some spaghetti in the microwave. Toast your bread and add some butter to one side
of each piece. Sprinkle a little garlic and Italian seasoning on the buttered sides of the bread. Add the
spaghetti and keep the buttered sides on the inside.
