As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be in the spotlight.  The shiny hair, the outfits, the fake laughing while delicately holding a champagne flute… all these things spoke to me.  Unfortunately, I was born more of a Judy Greer than a Judy Garland.  What I

There’s a favorite memory amongst my friends Leyli, Marie and me– a memory about the three of us waiting on a subway platform, and being met by the putrid stinkeyes of a gaggle of stiletto-heeled, shiny-dressed bitches. They were all gussied up (likely for a night of rubbing up against

 I want to be bilingual, for a variety of reasons.  Personally, I don’t like feeling like such an “ugly American” when rubbing elbows with the international crew that comes along with dating a well-traveled half-Brazilian.  Being able to speak another language would make me seem more worldly in front of

Legendary fashion editor Diana Vreeland once said, “We all need a splash of bad taste; no taste is what I’m against.” I wholeheartedly agree with this statement– which is why I am unashamed to do things like: lick the Tapatio-drenched remnants of an exploded on-the-go burrito off of my shirt,

I haven’t broken into a run since 2002.  That was sophomore year of high school, when I used to get in trouble in P.E. class for leisurely bicep-curling five pound weights and gossiping with hoodrat girls who called me “Tasty Vanilla,” when I should have been pumping iron.  But, alas,

Few things are free in this world.  However, if J. Lo taught us anything, it’s that “love don’t cost a thing,” baby!  In a world where going to the movies costs $13 and a new pair of winter boots can wipe out your “me money” for the month, gazing adoringly

Last weekend, I spent my Halloween dressed as Selena (a costume which– thanks to procrastination and an extremely ill-timed thunder/snowstorm– turned out looking more like an alcoholic 90s-goth-chola in snow boots, but whatevs).  I’ve always had a special place in my kinky-cop-hat-and-bustier-wearing heart for that quick-stepping ranchera, and would probably