I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason

People frequently mistake me for being gay. Certainly much more than they mistake me for being a comedian. But despite the fact that I studied theater in college while working at the Gap, living in the co-ops and sucking dick on the side for money, I am neither gay nor bisexual.

I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to write about the importance of male penis size, but hey, dick talk be making it rain hella page views up in this server. Plus, in the wake of the recent size scandal at Subway, it seemed as good a

This was Chris and Chris’s Christmas Card one year I’ve known Chris Nieratko for like five years now. I first met him when my friend Sarah was working over at VICE in Brooklyn, and had to arrange his west coast book-signing tour for his then newly-released smut novel, SKINEMA (then a book,

One time I went down on a guy during a matinee of ‘The Queen’ at the Angelika. Fittingly enough, he came out to me a year after. We went out only a few times before he left for a tour of Asia in 2006; we  had a coffee the following

This Friday night, November 18th, at SF Public Works– get ready to blush. Well, at least the first time I saw this crazy kind of dancing going on, I think I turned bright red. Think of girls with big booties shaking their thing – like in that Mr. Ghetto Wallmart video that was so

When I first moved to San Francisco a few years ago, I only cared about two things:  seeing the Golden Gate Bridge and finding a place that served carne asada fries.  Only the first thing happened.  This was a problem because carne asada fries are like crack in that once