ComedyNew YorkSan Francisco

7 Times Paul Ryan Looked Like He Sold His Soul to the Devil

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

The news was announced today that professional scumbag Paul Ryan will be retiring from politics once his term is up. This is fantastic for pretty much every American who isn’t a billionaire, considering this piece of shit made a career out of trying to make disenfranchised people like women, minorities, poor people, and sick people even more disenfranchised. If he ever had a soul to begin with, he must’ve sold it to the devil in order to become Speaker of the House. Here’s 7 times Paul Ryan looked like he was doing Satan’s work:

Winky Ryan

Just look at this smug fuck. That wink says “It’s totally worth eternal damnation to make it harder for sick people to pay their medical bills.”

You Just Got Fucked

“If I can be born a straight white man, so can you!”

Itchy Ryan

“Ugh…save me Beelzebub! This human skin is getting so itchy”

Lying Ryan

“Yup, that is correct America, my wang is this big. Getting a bigger dick was part of the package deal when I sold my soul. Ha, package deal…see what I did there?”

Sad Paul

“But…but, but Luciferrrrr you said that if I was a racism enabling coward I’d get to be President one day. No fair!”

I swear

“Hand over my heart, I swear I have the best interest of the American people in mind…fuck wait…this is where human hearts are located right?”

Paul’s Real Form

“Damnit, why try to hide it any more, it’s time you saw the real me. Ha, damnit…see what I did there?”

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

We wanna send you plus one to see Frankie Cosmos!

Next post

These E-Scooters Need to Be Stopped, And We Know How to Do it

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

I've been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York, but to those familiar with my work, I'm just "that douchebag who writes books about cheap stuff and drinks a lot".