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Finding Love at Festival

Updated: Oct 09, 2019 12:38
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finding festival love riot fest

Love isn’t for everyone and festivals aren’t for everyone but anyone looking for CONSENUAL love at a festival has the opportunity to find that someone (for a night or for life). Finding love in all the wrong places is pretty easy. Finding love at Riot Fest is almost as easy but rarely a bad thing. These are the types of lovers you could find yourself with when you attend the world’s greatest punk rock and hip-hop festival and carnival in the heart of Chicago every September.

If a homeless man who has a crew that likes to make whoopie is your thing then Hobo Johnson and the Lovemakers are your match.

If some Hot Chocolate to warm up your autumn is the recipe for love, Sum 41 has got that for you.

A DILF that just wants you to smile? Slug from Atmosphere will fill that void and something else… if you catch what’s being tossed.

If you’ve got a big tip to give someone, there’s plenty of people who will return the favor with something wet and refreshing.

Need more than one dick but only want one man? Blothar from GWAR can hook you up with that!

If you’re down with sharing undergarments to save money (especially thongs) GWAR can also help with that.

A nice young lady who will tear her blazer open and swoon you with rock’n’roll riffs gets your consensual mojo going then Mannequin Pussy will rock your socks off.

Speaking of consent, there’s actually plenty of humans who understand what that is at Riot Fest AND love cats.

Someone who loves pizza as much or even more than you? Done!

If you can deal with that hot morning breath then Riot Fest has a (wedding) ringmaster for you!

A (half)man who can support himself, and you, gets all of our juices flowing.

Someone who actually believes in condoms! Even though you might have to show him the right hole(s).

Bondage your thing and size doesn’t matter?

Want to take that wild ride called life with the perfect someone? Even if that ride is run by carnies.

If they will be your pass out pillow, they are a keeper!

A lovely lady to tickle your ivory (or black key) can be found with Wolfmother!

If he will throw a punch for you he will throw you a good time too! (Dude hit an 832, how bow dah?)

Get a little freak in a photo booth? Those are pics to last a lifetime!

Really trying to find that unicorn out here? Look no further!

Someone who looks at you the way she looks at Alkaline Trio.

If they make this face but don’t run away… so you’re saying there’s a chance?

If they brought the kid along, you know they put out (at least once)… and are super cool parents!

Yeah, you might fall in love with a pig… literally or figuratively. 

If they care enough to grease your creases with SPF, you might as well be BFFs.

If they have a coed best friend, don’t be a jealous Jamie! (Matt and Kim)

Want to be spun around like a record baby, with your baby?

A couple who parties together stays together.

Is having No Small Children a plan for your future? (The band and being kid-free.)

There’s nothing wrong with someone who drives you a little batty and gets you wet! (Aquabats’ MC Bat Commander at your cervix… service.)

Sugar daddy anyone? The 85-year-old Jerry Lee Lewis is a “killer’ choice!

Finding celebrity love? Stranger Things have happened! (Calpurnia is a great band with a lead singer from a great show!)

Then there’s that one who is just too easy to find, it’s like they put up a (hopefully not red) flag or something.

If she’s giving you a sign, listen to it!

If it’s just some SWMRS you’re looking for to make some little festival goers, think again (it’s a sperm joke).

That real love who will go to hell and back with you.

That special one who will add some sparkle into your life.

Someone who swallows… anything!

Pick them out of a crowd and they will rock your world like heavy metal!

If he (Danny from The Audition) will take on everybody and everything for you (and is from Detroit)

You could find some fun zipper time… get it?

Someone who will do your job for you… even if you didn’t ask them. (Them being The Bouncing Souls).

A fellow vinyl junkie to have those dig through crate dates. (Starting with the SmartPunk tent!)

Someone whom with you can discuss art.

You might just be lucky enough to find yourself some puppy love. (Dodger the Press Dog is spoken for… by everybody!)

You might just find someone who is completely bananas… for you.

If all else fails you can always screw yourself.

So don’t be discouraged, there’s someone out there for everyone, and Riot Fest is for everyone!

Special thanks to Riot Fest and Bad Copy for lovingly letting us use some great photos!


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Curtis Conrad Schabath

Curtis Conrad Schabath

Prof. Curtis Conrad Schabath loves being a third-generation Detroiter, dog dad, vinyl slut, and old-school fool. This queer Cancer can be found equally at marches and rallies, on the trails, beach, or streets, taking time to volunteer and teach, and micro-dosing in the morning plus meditating at night just to handle it all. Phone on DND, camera on hand, a few dollars in the pocket, and heart full of love and protection is how they emote and float through this crazy thing (and electric word) called"life".