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Last Minute Gift Ideas For The Racists (I Mean “Trump Supporters”) In Your Life

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Seeing your family for the holidays can be stressful. It’s even harder if the people you’re exchanging gifts with are Trumpers. What kind of gift can you get the dad who loves his MAGA hat so much he wears it to bed? Lucky for you I’ve put together a list of gift ideas to help make holiday gift giving great again.

DONALD TRUMP TOILET PAPER

Trumpers have spent the the better part of 2 years with their lips firmly attached to the Orange Menace’s ass so this gift is a no brainer.  The racist in your life will love this for two reasons: 1) it’s 2 ply and 2) it’s white. They can wipe their ass and give our commander-in-chief a real shit eating grin. You get 250 sheets for less than $5 and, believe me, there’s nothing Trump supporters love more than white sheets.

A NIGHTLIGHT

The scariest part of the night for Trumpers is the gnawing fear that at any moment an illegal will break in and try to steal their job. They know that out there in the dark, MS13 and Planned Parenthood are colluding with Hillary’s emails to topple Confederate statues and they’re losing sleep over it. Get them a nightlight so when they wake up in the dark of the night to check Sean Hannity’s Twitter feed they’ll feel safe knowing the caravan of migrants isn’t waiting for them in their living room. 

DONALD TRUMP LIFE SIZE CUTOUT

Your racist uncle would love unwrapping a life size cut out of the the person in charge of our country. However, Vladimir Putin’s cut outs are out of stock. Luckily there are still some Trump ones left. He can stand it up between his Trump/Pence 2020 lawn sign and that wooden cross he burns on the weekends. 

TRUMP TOILET BRUSH

Not only is Trump draining the swamp but he’s also cleaning up after your swamp ass. The Trump Toilet Brush gets rid of those dried pieces of shit that hang around no matter how many times you flush (fun fact: Trump himself calls useless pieces of shit Eric).

BIRTH CONTROL

Finally, the very best gift you can give any Trumper is the gift that stops them from making any more Trumpers. Build a wall, if you will, around their reproductive system. It’s not so much a Christmas gift for them but more for the future generations of America.

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Joe DeLong - NYC Editor

Joe DeLong - NYC Editor

Former stand up comic, radio show host, mayoral candidate and fetish webcam model. Now I'm the male equivalent of a crazy cat lady.