Breast Implant Recall Makes Me Wonder: Is Perfection Worth the Risk?

There’s a point in life when you trade casual glances at yourself in the mirror for full-blown inspections. Your shape changes, lines form around your eyes and you ask yourself, “When the fuck did I start growing chin hair?!?”

I’ve stared at the lines around my lips, a genetic bit of love from my mother and helped in no part by my smoking habit, and reluctantly wondered if I’d feel better about myself if I got one of those filler deals done. My almost nonexistent “beauty regimen” quickly shifted to survival routine as I tipped 40. It’s a never ending cycle of root touch up, salicyclic moisturizer and whatever the hell eye serum is. That’s right, I’m 42 and still battling zits to go right along with gray hair and wrinkles…and I’m convinced that I must’ve run over God’s puppy in a past life to deserve such an awesome trifecta. Sexy. Am I right?

But to date, I have resisted the urge to go under the knife or needle to fix my least favorite parts. I’m not saying I haven’t entertained the thought and I’m not judging those who go that route, but the benefits, in my view, never seem to outweigh the risks involved.

Work in progress. Illustration courtesy of In the Black

Filling the lip lines would be great, as long as I never wanted to move my face. I pass by people all the time with that one expression, the only expression they can make, and I wonder if they really think it’s worth it.

The eyebrows are thinning out, but do I really someone to tattoo caterpillars across my face? How would that age?

Liposuction? Something about the fat just popping up in some random place really freaks me out. Imagine just one chubby forearm. But, hey, at least you’ll get that thigh gap you always wanted.

How about a boob job? Maybe just a little pick-me-up? I never liked the idea of the underboob scar and the risk of sensation loss when they go through the nipple…well, what the hell is the point of having tits if you can’t feel anything?

But still…the age and change beast gets us all. Things that never seemed logical before become viable options when you’re not feeling your best and the standard for beauty in our SnapChat-filtered society pushes many a person to finance “just a little work.” Again, I don’t blame anyone for doing whatever it is they feel they need to do to feel better about themselves, but on days like today, I’m thankful I haven’t.

Allergen textured breast implants linked to cancer have been recalled by the Food and Drug Administration. Photo courtesy of Washington Post.

News hit Wednesday of a breast implant being recalled in the United States because it’s been linked to a rare cancer that isn’t really breast cancer, but anaplastic large-cell lymphoma that just so happens to develop in breast tissue.

The Food and Drug Administration’s decision to recall the Allergen-made implants comes after 573 cases and 33 deaths have been reported worldwide. Europe banned the implants late last year.

This is just the latest hit to the breast augmentation industry in a string of problems over decades, and another reason why I’ll probably just leave my boobs alone.

If you’re at risk with these implants, please check with your doctor about how to protect yourself. But if you haven’t already put one of these puppies in your body, maybe don’t.

I’ll repeat, I’m not judging anyone who undergoes cosmetic surgery…but I also won’t judge you for a little sag. Just sayin’.

That is all.