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A Huge List Of Things To Do If You’re Not Going To Burning Man

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Image: Hawaii Savvy via Flickr and Michael Fraley via Flickr

Your friends’ Burning Man posts are already freaking relentless on Facebook, and you’re the sad sack who’s stuck at home. But don’t trip! There are plenty of Bay Area events if you’re not at Burning Man from August 25 – September 2, and it turns out San Francisco and Oakland bars and stores are still open regular hours the whole week. The Broke-Ass Borg has your itinerary covered with this handy list of Bay Area things to do if you’re not at Burning Man, so you don’t get FOMO while those mofos are out partying on the playa.

We’ve listed each week-of-Burning Man 2019 event chronologically by date below, with a whole bunch of Bay Area options for every day you’re not out on the playa. But if we missed any good ones, burn us on it in the comments section! We’ll radically include new suggestions as the week goes on. You can also always check the BAS event calendar for more great stuff.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 25

Free National Park Day at Muir Woods 

This only happens one day a month! Entry is free at Muir Woods National Monument and San Francisco Maritime National Historical Park on Free Entrance Days. There will be  more people and less parking than usual!

KUSF Rock’n’Swap 

GodzillaFest at the Balboa Theater

Oakland Chinatown StreetFest 2019 

Triple 007 Film Fest st the Castro Theatre 

2019 Origami Palooza 

Cheaper Than Therapy comedy show at the Shelton Theatre

Presidio Picnic

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 26

Zoe Jakes’ House of Tarot at Monday Night Hubba

It doesn’t get more Burner-y than Beats Antique’s Zoe Jakes and her belly dance troupe House of Tarot, performing at the upstairs of VNA Lounge for Monday Night Hubba. Admission to DeathGuild afterwards is free, though there will not be a Thunderdome.  

Riffer’s Delight: Donnie Darko (Theatrical Cut) at Alamo Drafthouse

TUESDAY, AUGUST 27

Shonen Knife at the Bottom of the Hill

Japan rock girl group Shonen Knife cuts it up at Bottom of the Hill, with Me Like Bees, Greasy Gills, and Sid Presley. All ages show!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 28

Glooteus at the Moby Dick

There’s go-go bays galore at the strip show where you can win money at the Castro’s Moby Dick.

‘Below Sycamore’ Pre-Launch Party at the Shelton Theater 

‘Blade Runner’ in honor of the late Rutger Hauer at the Balboa Theater

THURSDAY, AUGUST 29

Desert NightLife at the California Academy of Sciences

It’s like the Playa, but at a museum! There will also be mezcal tasting, bats, and bat experts.

Off the Grid Presidio Twilight

‘Bullitt’ and ‘Dirty Harry’ at the Castro Theatre

ALL CAPS Sketch Comedy at the Shelton Theater 

‘3 Egos and a Mormon’  at the Shelton Theater 

Cheaper Than Therapy comedy show at the Shelton Theatre

FRIDAY, AUGUST 30

Sunset Cruise 

Last Sunset Cruise of the year, and tickets are marked down to $55! You also get a sandwich buffet and one drink ticket. 

Off the Grid: Fort Mason Center 2019

John Carpenter Fest at the Balboa Theater 

‘3 Egos and a Mormon’  at the Shelton Theater 

Cheaper Than Therapy comedy show at the Shelton Theatre

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 31

75th Anniversary Mai Tai Celebration 

There’s unlimited food and rum tasting, along with the Tikiyaki Orchestra, DJ Speakeasy Ray, luau fashion vendors, lei making, and photo booths, as Trader Vic’s in Emeryville celebrates the 75th anniversary of the franchise. 

Bootie SF: Rihanna Grande vs. Everyone 

Compton’s Cafeteria Riots 53rd Anniversary

Infinite Mirror Maze 

Veronica Klaus at Martuni’s

Mother: Florence VS Tori Amos at the Oasis

California Independent Film Festival at the Castro Theatre

John Carpenter Fest at the Balboa Theater 

‘3 Egos and a Mormon’  at the Shelton Theater 

Cheaper Than Therapy comedy show at the Shelton Theatre

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

Swagger Like Us with India Sky

El Rio’s daytime queer dance party welcomes the amazing India Sky, with DJs and free BBQ.

Asian Art Museum Free First Sunday 

‘Last Black Man in San Francisco’ at the Castro Theatre

Cheaper Than Therapy comedy show at the Shelton Theatre

Vegan Brews and BBQ at Seven Stills Distillery

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 

17th Annual Cowgirl Palooza

The El Rio Labor Day BBQ tradition blazes into its 17th year, with an all-day lineup of ironic and non-ironic country artists the BettyJacks, Secret Emchee Society, Moonshine Maybelline, and Lisa Marie Johnston. As with any Monday at El Rio, the Tecates are only $2.

Sophilya’s Virgo-A-Go-Go at Monday Night Hubba

‘Last Black Man in San Francisco’ at the Castro Theatre

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.