Sex and Dating

What These Couples Costumes Say About Your Relationship

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by Kate Brunotts

If your partner has brought up matching costumes this year, you’re in it deep. Halloween is one of the best times of year on its own, not to mention another shining opportunity to show off to the world that you’re not going to die alone. 

Before you get too excited, remember to proceed with caution. Your #goals costume can inadvertently give the outside world a little too much insight into the inner dynamics of your relationship. 

Let’s face it: The world is harsh, and yes, we will judge you. Here are 10 couples costume examples that have a lot to reveal about you and your SO: 

 

You’re both cheap and lazy

 

Did you both wear sweat pants on your first date? Listen, I’m all for saving money as much as the next guy, but this is the adult version of that lame kid who wore a white T-shirt with “This is my costume” poorly embossed in Sharpie. When I was growing up, my mom never gave those kids candy, and maybe it was wrong, sure (I guess we all can’t have elaborate costumes), but in my opinion, these two shouldn’t even be let into the Halloween Party. Have some dignity. 

 

 

You have no respect for others

 

Egads! You’re definitely the couple that has no friends other than each other. To be fair, people still thinking this is an acceptable way to dress up in 2019 is kinda terrifying… just not in the fun Halloween way. Are you trying to go viral for all the wrong reasons? Don’t be like these two. It’s incredibly disrespectful. 

 

You’re saving yourselves for marriage

 

Hey baby… how about we dress up as something obscure that hides our bodies completely and keeps us from kissing? Sounds HOT right? Joking, joking, I’m sure you nerds get it on all the time. I’m also pretty sure you could hand me my ass in Tetris, so there’s that. This one is actually kind of cute. You fit perfectly with one another and all that shit, adorable. It also looks like you get to wear jeans which is always a plus. 

 

You should’ve saved yourselves for marriage

 

We get it, you two have sex sometimes. I can’t imagine what these two are like in the bedroom if they’re comfortable going out in public like this. Actually, they’re probably the type that talks about how hot their sex is, but really sticks to a few minutes of missionary before binge-watching “The Great British Bake Off” and complaining about work. Better be careful, don’t want to end up with a short circuit. 

 

 

You’re Swollmates

 

You two go to the gym together, sip from each other’s wheatgrass shots, go on couple’s runs, and pride yourselves off of your glowing Equinox membership status. To be honest, if the Mario stars weren’t on this pair’s incredibly sculpted chests, I would’ve totally mistaken them for sexy Christmas ornaments. I bet you both take great selfies. Must be nice. 

 

 

You’re in therapy and it’s not working

 

Wow, there’s not a whole lot to say about you two and I’m not looking to find out more. Even that bear looks like he’s ready to run for the hills. On top of being kind of a Freudian nightmare, wearing these things looks like a safety hazard. I don’t know if your idea of a good Halloween night is calling the MTA to explain that your diaper got caught in the subway door, but it’s certainly not mine. 

 

You guys are actually kinda cute (and you know it)

 

As much as I love making fun of complete strangers, you two are pretty adorbs and I can admit that. Peanut butter + Jelly naturally equals the perfect pair, and here you two are reaffirming your love on the spookiest of nights. Aww… I bet you both are really good at confrontation, communication, and have a joint planner to keep your schedules organized. Good for you.

If you and your SO have reached the point of investing in a joint Halloween costume, you must be pretty in love, just make sure you’re showing off what you want people to see. I hope you two enjoy guzzling down candy corn and get the Instagram couples post of your dreams.

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