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Kozy Kar Owner Shuts Down Bar to Become ‘Exotic Dancer’

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For Update Scroll to the bottom of the article – updated 1230pm 1/9/20 

According to a letter left on the Kozy Kar Bar door this week, owner Sam Young has shut down the 70’s & 80’s themed establishment to pursue his dream of becoming an ‘exotic dancer’.   

Young recently celebrated his 50th birthday and apparently texted staff his decision to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a Chippendale dancer. In Sam’s own eloquent proclamation: “I’ve taken years of pole dancing lessons.  My moves are incredible, my routine is magical.”  The text then mirrors a quote from Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, “I see my name in my name in bright blue neon lights with purple outline…”

Young has insisted that the bar remain closed until ‘the entire staff flies out to Las Vegas to see him onstage’.  Brokeassstuart.com reached out to Kozy Kar on social media to verify the letter, and they responded with, “It’s sad to say, but it’s true.”  So, this could still be a hoax, after all, if you needed to close down for repairs or something, why not make up a story to get people talking?  Either way, the note is objectively hilarious…unless of course you work at Kozy Kar, need to pay your rent, and/or have no interest in seeing a 50-year-old bar owner greased up in spandex.

Chest hair was proven to be sexy in the 1970’s

The Polk Street bar is famous for its old school playboy pinup decor and its creatively themed booths.  One seating arrangement is made out of an actual hot tub, another mimics the inside of a van from that era.  It’s been a minute since I drank at Kozy Kar but the last time I was there they were playing grainy, VHS pornography on small televisions throughout the bar.  So yeah, it’s got a real “do you want to go to my van and do coke?” kind of vibe.

Kozy Kar hot tub seating

If you’d like to keep abreast of Kozy Kar and Sam’s blossoming new career, follow Kozy Kar on Facebook, you may just see his name in neon lights…or maybe this is all a joke and everyone will be laughing and drinking about it when they reopen.

Kozy Kar SF

 

updated 12:30pm 1/9/20

You may be happy to hear that not only did Sam audition at Chippendales in Las Vegas, but his moves were also so incredible they caused some viewers to have a religious experience.  Word is that Sam’s routine was equivalent to a middle-aged Jesus Christ sliding up and down a greasy pole and working the stage like a Fred Astaire.  Amazing.

All this, according to a second follow up letter posted by the Kozy Kar:

So Kozy Kar is now open again…Thank God for that!  And thanks to @ginacimarelli for sending in the updated letter.  And thanks to Kozy Kar for making 2020 just a bit more hilarious.

Cheers

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managin' editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. When we're not writing, editing, or publishing articles, Stuart and I are promoting the good things in SF & NYC.

If you're a writer, artist, or performer who would like to get your work seen by our audience, or if you're a cool business and would like us to introduce you to our 120k social followers in a creative and engaging way, contact me at alex@brokeassstuart.com.