Monolith Mystery Solved: It Was Four Dudes, Not Aliens

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Image: @rossbenards via Instagram

Two mysterious monoliths have appeared in remote areas these last couple weeks, one in Utah and the other in Romania, prompting worldwide speculation that it was definitely aliens who did this. The Broke-Ass Investigative Monolith Team does not have an office in Romania, but after the sudden disappearance of the Utah monolith, we can confirm that the Moab, Utah monolith’s disappearance is not attributable to aliens, but to four dudes.

We know this because one of the dudes posted video of the removal to Youtube. “On the night of November 27, 2020, at about 8:30pm— our team removed the Utah Monolith.  We will not be including any other information, answers, or insight at this time,” says the video from Andy Lewis on his MrSlackline Youtube channel.   

The removal was also noted by photographer Ross Bernards, who caught the team in the act. (It’s the 5th photo in this Instagram set.) “If you’re interested in what exactly happened to the monolith keep reading because I was literally there,” he wrote in his post. “On Friday, 3 friends and myself drove the 6 hours down to the middle of nowhere in Utah and got to the ‘trailhead’ around 7 PM after passing a sea of cars on our way in.”

They then saw the monolith removers.

“4 guys rounded the corner and 2 of them walked forward. They gave a couple of pushes on the monolith and one of them said ‘You better have got your pictures,’” Bernards continues. “He then gave it a big push, and it went over, leaning to one side. He yelled back to his other friends that they didn’t need the tools. The other guy with him at the monolith then said “this is why you don’t leave trash in the desert.” 

“They quickly broke it apart and as they were carrying to the wheelbarrow that they had brought one of them looked back at us all and said ‘Leave no trace.’”

Indeed, the Bureau of Land Management says that monolith visitors were trashing the desert, leaving behind litter, waste, and toilet paper.  


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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.