News

The Most Insane Logic Problems In ‘Wonder Woman 1984,’ Ranked

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

Image: Warner Bros

Many of us spent our Christmas enduring the 2 hours and 31 minutes of incoherent shouting, explosions, and insane logic problems known as Wonder Woman 1984. And many of us spent that entire duration wondering ‘What the actual fuck?”

NOTE: This post contains spoilers about Wonder Woman 1984, though this will not be a problem, because even if you read this article before watching, there will still not be anything that makes an ounce of fucking sense about that movie. There are many, many very basic holes in the film’s plot, and here is a partial list of the most baffling:

Image: Warner Bros

WAS THAT REAGAN, OR WAS THAT NOT REAGAN? 

The film is set in 1984, so the president would have been Reagan. The president depicted is vaguely Reagan-like. Is it Reagan or is it not Reagan? You gotta commit to that one way or the other, you can’t be all ‘Oh well, it’s maybe Reagan but we don’t to offend people.’ That’s just cowardly filmmaking.

Image: Warner Bros

HOW THE FUCK CAN 1918 FUCKBOY FLY A MODERN AIRPLANE?

The pilot’s dashboard contains many instruments that do not at all resemble airplanes of World War I, so how does this asshole just instantly figure it all out? I’ll tell you how, because the mostly male screenplay team wanted it to be the dude who was flying the plane, though that’s never how it happened on cartoons.

Image: Warner Bros

HOW COME THE NUCLEAR BOMBS DISAPPEARED BUT THE OTHER WRECKAGE DIDN’T?

OK so like everyone un-wishes but the nuclear bombs have already been launched. And the bombs just disappear? How? None of the other detritus or wreckage disappeared.

Warner Bros

HOW DOES MANDO INSTANTLY APPEAR THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM WHERE WE LAST SAW HIM?

He throws his boarding pass in the trash, but then the next thing you know he’s in Cairo. Wonder Woman has to fly thousands of miles after him, but then at the end that he is apparently walking distance from where he can just go find his little son. That is not how things work!

Image: Warrner Bros

SO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO KRISTEN WIIG?

Only good thing about the film Kristen Wiig suddenly transforms into a cheetah for reasons that are poorly explained. But what actually happens to her character at the end? Did she live? Did she die? Does she change back? Fanboys will argue that they’re just setting that up for the next sequel, but that assumes that things will be properly explained in the next film, and I just don’t see that being the case.

Image: Warner Bros

IS THE DREAMSTONE A DICK? 

The dreamstone is definitely shaped like a dick.

Warner Bros. has already put Wonder Woman 3 on a production fast track, which will surely not result in the next one being any less incomprehensible.

 

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

WATCH: All The Times The Golden Gate Bridge Has Been Destroyed In Movies

Next post

The Streets of San Francisco & Oakland in 2020


Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

2 Comments

  1. TRUE
    December 31, 2020 at 5:46 am — Reply

    What I want to know is how the wish thing worked, if the wishes conflicted with one another. For example, if Person A wished for all the money in the world, and Person B also wished for the same thing, what would happen?

  2. Cadence
    December 31, 2020 at 1:06 pm — Reply

    Linda Carter did a good job. I really don’t need remakes. You know, if Hollywood actually supported real talented writers, they would come out with something better than borrowing from the past and rehashing it.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *