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The Best SF Pumpkin Patches, Ranked

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Halloween trick-or-treating will be back at full power this year, and even Dr. Fauci says Halloween is a go for 2021. That means you will need a proper Halloween jack-o-lantern (or five) in front of your household for October 31, or any of the 11 shopping days left until Halloween.

We’ve ranked all the San Francisco pumpkin patches below by their unique characteristics, whatever your personal jack-o-lantern needs may entail. Whether you want a full family pumpkin patch autumn night-out experience, the finest artisan pumpkin, or the cheapest fucking pumpkin possible, these are the best options for your Halloween jack-o-lantern hopes. wants, and needs.

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BEST OVERALL EXPERIENCE FOR FAMILIES AND KIDS BUT IT COSTS $5 A HEAD:

The Great Pumpkin Patch (317 Sloat Boulevard at 19th Avenue)

There is a $5 admission fee per person, even for the little ones, at the Inner Sunset’s Great Pumpkin Patch across from Stern Grove. But there’s also a huge slew of kid-friendly attractions (that also cost more money), like a train ride ($6 per person), a bouncy castle ($6 per person), an inflatable slide ($6 per person), and a haunted house ($6 per person).

The Great Pumpkin Patch is SF’s funnest attraction for kids, but it is primarily designed to separate parents from their money. This pumpkin patch is very family-friendly, but not very budget-friendly.

BEST OVERALL FREE EXPERIENCE FOR FAMILIES AND KIDS:

Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch (1620 Lawton at 7th Avenue)

There is no admission fee whatsoever at the gorgeous Inner Sunset nook Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch, located at the highly unappreciated White Crane Springs Community Garden. It’s conveniently located right on the 43-Masonic bus line, and there’s a sweet selection of pumpkins and interactive backdrops too.  

MOST INSTAGRAMMABLE FREE PUMPKIN PATCH:

Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch (2101 Sloat Blvd. at 39th Avenue)

Yes there is a second Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch located right next to the SF Zoo. That’s pretty far from mist of us. But this pumpkin patch also has the best Instagram backdrops of any patch in town, as evidenced by the above pic and the LGBTQIA+ witches shown at the top of this article.

Image: FortMason.org

BEST PUMPKIN PATCH WHERE YOU CAN BUY HARD LIQUOR:

The Guardsmen Pumpkin Patch (Fort Mason)

Craft cocktails and beer are served at Fort Mason’s Guardsmen Pumpkin Patch. There’s also live music some nights too, plus “Caramel apples, candy bags, and popcorn bundles are available for $7 each and pumpkin carving kits cost $15.”

CHEAPEST, EASIEST POSSIBLE PUMPKINS TO SCORE:

Trader Joe’s. Safeway, or Whole Foods

Yeah, you can grab them at the grocery store and have that be that. Trader Joe’s has a the nicest variety, offering traditional pumpkins, pie pumpkins, mini gourds, striped tiger pumpkins, and something called “Fall fantasy pumpkins.” Whole Foods and Sadeway also generally carry pumpkins this time of year.

All of these locations are open every day through October 31.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

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