Self Care

5 Ways to Get Your Tired Butt to Work Out Every Day

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Unless you are Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, working out every single day probably seems like an insurmountable feat of discipline. But I have good news for you! Even the busiest and most overtired person can totally do it. It’s just a matter of tricking yourself into doing it with a series of mind games I have developed over the years.

Do I do a full workout every single day of my life? No. I’m not Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and my entire job doesn’t revolve around being buff as hell. I have a full time office job, many time consuming hobbies/things that would be my main work if I actually got paid for them, and most recently, a baby.

Yes, I have an athletic background so I’m used to working out regularly. But you better bet that 9 months of pregnancy and then a C-Section threw all that shit out of whack and I had to majorly rebuild both my habits and my muscles. Growing life is no joke. You’ve probably stopped reading this intro a long time ago and skipped to the listicle already, so here it is.

Make that shit as easy as possible

Allow no obstacles to your workouts. Like most people, I’m worried about Covid so I still don’t go to gyms. But I have no excuse to skip living room workouts because all my equipment (yoga mat, weights, resistance bands) is easily grabbable from my living room floor…which I may or may not be lazing around on while I start a new season of Succession. When you’re already dragging your feet, the closet may as well be in China. Keep your workout shit close by!

Create a bare minimum workout

There are days when wild horses stampeding my house could not get me to do a full 30-60 minute workout and that’s fucking FINE. I took a piece of paper and wrote out 15 super quick exercises that don’t present mental obstacles. For me, it’s stuff like crunches and squats. Convincing myself to hold a plank for a minute is gonna take some extra lawyering. If I’m really not in the mood to exercise, I at least do 20 reps of those 15 exercises. It only takes a few minutes and I feel like I did something. You can do that shit while catching up on Succession. No excuses!

Trick yourself into doing more

Seventy percent of the time, after I finish the bare minimum exercises, I’m like well, I guess I could do a few more. When this happens, continue tricking yourself into doing more and more until you’re like wait, “wtf is happening here”?, at which point you will probably have fooled yourself into working out for at least half an hour extra. Boom!

Find YouTube workouts to make fun of while you do them.

Why are all these workout gurus so peppy and always acting like they can see you? How do you know I’m doing so well? You’re proud of me for doing this workout? Fuck you, you don’t even know me! What’s that? I’ve just completed a ten minute pilates video? Well, I’ll be damned.

Treat yourself!

Maybe don’t eat an ice cream sundae that obliterates any progress you’ve made for the week, but, you know… find a good reward. Like, if you finish this hour-long workout, you’re free to be a lazy piece of shit on the couch binging Succession for the next three hours. That’s a deal Logan Roy would approve of. Have I mentioned I watch Succession?

Are you Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson yet? Me neither. But if you follow these simple steps, you’re one step closer to muscle-y glory!

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Genie

Genie

Genie Cartier is a San Francisco native. She graduated from UCLA with a BA in English/ Creative Writing and earned an MFA in Creative Writing/ Poetry from SFSU. Check out her novella Fog City Summer on this website. When not writing, she is also a professional circus performer of 24 years and will be directing Dark Side of the Circus, a circus choreographed to Pink Floyd, in April 2020. Find out more at http://cartiersisters.weebly.com/.

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