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Why San Francisco Is The Most Beautiful City On Earth.

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Photo of fog passing by the Golden Gate Bridge.

I regularly shit on San Francisco, to the city’s credit, there is a lot to shit on. San Francisco is 7×7 miles of contradiction and absurdity, but it’s also the most beautiful place on the planet. 

You’re probably saying some dumb shit like, “Abe, you’ve never been to every city on earth! How do you know that San Francisco is the most beautiful?” 

My brilliant retort? I don’t care. Shut the fuck up. 

What other city can you walk up a modest incline and get a panoramic view of the ocean, the bay, skyscrapers, several different bridges, hills and mountains? The answer is fucking nowhere else.

Yes, some of the streets are dirty and there is some crime. And yes, you’re better off setting your car on fire than getting stuck in a traffic jam up a hill while crackheads do crackhead shit on a slant. It’s not always perfect, but it is always paradise. The problems with San Francisco aren’t San Francisco’s fault. People suck, but people suck everywhere. Sucky people aren’t exclusive to San Francisco. Grow the fuck up. 

What other city can you walk up a modest incline and get a panoramic view of the ocean, the bay, skyscrapers, several different bridges, hills and mountains? The answer is fucking nowhere else.

San Francisco is a painting, not a city. If you treat it like a city, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s not very functional, nor is it very practical. It’s a surreal dreamscape. Let yourself dream. Forget about the people, the politics and the problems that try to shake you awake. San Francisco is a place meant for dreaming with your eyes open. North Beach is fucking great for that. 

San Francisco is a city so beautiful its mere existence almost feels like proof of God, and the condition of it could lead one to conclude that God doesn’t care. I used a line similar to that in a poem before. You should buy my book. It’s filled with sad poems and short stories. I’m actually okay at this writing thing… Anyway…

When was the last time you visited North Beach? Don’t bring your car. North Beach eats cars for breakfast. For brunch I’d assume North Beach eats some strange Chinese-Italian fusion dish  if that makes sense? Anyway… Bring your feet. Walk around. Feel that cold air come off of the Bay and just enjoy yourself. Walk to Coit Tower, look at the Bay Bridge and feel good because you’re not stuck commuting on it, you’re just observing it, not as a piece of infrastructure, but as a piece of art. San Francisco is a painting, not a city. If you treat it like a city, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s not very functional, nor is it very practical. It’s a surreal dreamscape. Let yourself dream. Forget about the people, the politics and the problems that try to shake you awake. San Francisco is a place meant for dreaming with your eyes open. North Beach is fucking great for that. 

Go to Dolores Park in the Mission District. Grab a beer or grab a book, sit on a bench and enjoy watching the city breathe. 

Say all the shit you want about Bayview, but Bayview’s got a fucking bayview

Even neighborhoods that are overlooked or considered ‘less desirable’ are still gorgeous. Say all the shit you want about Bayview, but Bayview’s got a fucking bay view. Visitacion Valley has a lot more than the Sunnydale Projects, it also has John McLaren Park which is basically Golden Gate Park without tourists and techies. I hope this article goes viral so people in Viz Valley and the Excelsior can complain. I’m here to ruin your park. I’m going to turn it into Patagonia Planet by the time I’m done. I’m just kidding. I just want you guys to know I recognize that you have something special and I want to give you a nod. 

And don’t even get my started on Twin Fucking Peaks. Yes, it’s for tourists. Still, it’s absolutely spectacular. I don’t give a fuck how much of a San Franciscan you think you are, if you can’t recognize Twin Peaks is a beautiful spot, you’re a liar. 

With all the negative press about San Francisco and the Bay Area, it’s important to remember… 

They hate us cuz they ain’t us.

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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is a San Francisco-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, BrokeAssStuart.com. His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground will be available early 2022.

1 Comment

  1. Luciano Mezzetta
    May 26, 2022 at 12:44 pm — Reply

    I grew up in the Bay View, Apollo street in Silver Terrace to be precise. After 60 plus years I still dream of walking down Apollo from Topeka Avenue on the way home from school at All Hallows on a late spring day. And the fog was coming over the top of McLaren ridge at 3 PM and the air was getting cool and fresh and I was sure there were angels in the fog that were protecting all of us. I now live on the Italian Riveria but at least twice a week I dream of the views from Mount Saint Joseph and of the innocent sky.

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