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Tornadoes In The Bay Area? It Could Happen This Week…

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“Evolution of a Tornado” Photo by: Jason Weingart

Have you ever seen the movie Twister? Well, you’re about to be fuckin’ in it, pal. 

I’m just being dramatic, but there is a legitimate chance for a tornado – or tornadoes to form along the California Coast this week. 

Coastal areas in San Mateo County and Santa Cruz County are likely to get the brunt of the storm, which, according to the SF Chronicle, will produce around 35 MPH winds and even cause tornadoes. 

The Coast isn’t alone in terms of the tornado risk.

In other words, your cows are going fucking flying through the air like in the movie Twister, and you’re gonna be like “why did the tornado touch down here? I’m rich. I live in Coastal San Mateo (or Santa Cruz) County. I’m a tech CEO. I’m a progressive. I know I don’t want affordable housing built near me, but I still voted for Obama… Twice! Why me, God!?!?!” 

This storm is also going to cause a volcano in Contra Costa County. Mount Diablo is going to fucking erupt and the entire Diablo Valley is doomed. Remember that person driving the BMW in Walnut Creek who honked at you for no reason. They’re finished. 

April fools. It’s not April, but it’s close enough. 

Jokes aside, this storm is actually going to be less intense than the ones we’ve recently endured in January. The Bay Area will only see between 1 to 2 inches of rain and the winds won’t be as intense as they were last week if reporting is to be believed. Well, it won’t be as intense for those of us in the Bay Area, but other regions might not be as lucky.

The Coast isn’t alone in terms of the tornado risk. The inland interior of Solano County and much of the Sacramento Valley are just as much at risk for high winds and brief tornadoes as its scenic siblings that hug the Pacific.

Considering Sacramento is at risk for tornadoes, cows may actually fly. 

I know tornadoes are rare in California, but they do occur. Just last week a tornado touched down In Los Angeles County and actually caused damage to multiple buildings in the city of Montebello. 

This is kind of unrelated, but I’m sick of the rain. I like rainy weather and gray skies, but shit is getting ridiculous. What’s the point of California if we have shitty weather? The housing prices need some level of justification in order for us to accept them. Sunshine is kind of California’s thing, without it, we’re just the Midwest with hills and palm trees. 

And now, we even have tornadoes. 





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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is an Oakland-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground is available now!