DIYEat & Drink

Broke-Ass Recipes: Stovetop Pizza

Updated: Feb 07, 2025 09:53
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“GIMME PIZZA! P-I-Z-Z-A!”

BY JAMES CONRAD

Although people from Detroit, Chicago, New York City and especially my hometown of New Haven each have very hard-and-fast rules about what pizza is and isn’t, the dish has existed in one form or another since the 6th century B.C.E. and is not specifically exclusively Italian in origin. The ancient Greeks and Persians each had a common practice of baking flatbreads topped with cheese and vegetables. Such a dish is even mentioned in the seventh book of the Aeneid, which takes place in the ancient city of Troy, the ruins of which can be found in northwestern Turkey.

The first recorded use of the term “pizza” dates to a document drafted in May 997 C.E. demanding that Bernardo, the son of Duke Marinus II of Gaeta, furnish a dozen pizzas to the local bishop at every Christmas and Easter in exchange for use of a mill on the Garigliano river, located in Italy. It is also accepted that the word “pizza” has etymological roots in common with the word “pita,” the name for the popular Mediterranean flatbread.

However, tomatoes, which originated in Central and South America, were not used in pizza recipes until after the Columbian exchange of the late 15th and early 16th centuries. Therefore, regardless of what anybody from New Haven, New York, Chicago or Detroit might tell you, the recipe for pizza has been  open to interpretation from the very beginning.

Pizza, pizza, pizza!

In that case and in honor of National Pizza Day on February 9, I will teach you how to quickly put together crispy, delicious personal pizzas without using a conventional oven, which my apartment building’s communal kitchen lacks, or a microwave, which will only yield a floppy, rubbery pie. Don’t use a microwave for this.

First, you will need a clean saucepan that is bone-dry because you will be working with olive oil. If water mixes with hot oil, it will sink below the oil, and once it comes to a boil, it will rapidly expand, causing the hot oil to splatter. Since we’re talking about a thin layer of oil on a wide surface area, this reaction is liable to happen more quickly, so BE CAREFUL!

For a clean, easy application, I prefer the Trader Joe’s own-brand olive oil spray, which only costs about three dollars. First, set the saucepan on the burner, spray a decent layer of olive oil onto the cooking surface, turn the heat a little more than halfway up and wait for ten minutes. By this time, you will notice very tiny, thin wisps of smoke beginning to rise up from the pan, along with the unmistakable aroma of heated oil. If you take the pan and gently tilt it a little back and forth, you will notice the shiny hot oil running quickly and easily from one side of the pan to the other. Obviously, this is a good indication that you’re ready to go.

Next, take a six-inch pita bread, assemble the pizza according to your preference and set it very gently in the center of the pan. You should hear a sizzling sound as the pita bread makes contact with the hot oil. Immediately cover the pan and let it cook for approximately five minutes or until the cheese is melted.

After that, carefully remove the pizza from the pan with a spatula, put it atop a plate, cut into fourths and enjoy. You will notice that this method will yield a pleasantly crispy pie with a smoky-tasting crust that brings to mind the fare found at such iconic New Haven pizzerias as Frank Pepe’s, Sally’s or Modern.

Yes, it’s that simple. Just remember to let the pan cool before washing it.

And now to tally the cost.

As I mentioned before, the spray-on olive oil from Trader Joe’s costs three dollars. At this same store, two bucks will get you a packet of a half-dozen six-inch pitas, and for two dollars more, a 14-ounce jar of their own-brand pizza sauce. For this recipe, I used the Trader Joe’s quattro formaggio, which costs $5.50 per bag, as I had some left over from cooking a Johnny Marzetti casserole. If you only want to make cheese pizzas, the total cost will come to $12.50. 

However, one of the two most popular pies in New Haven consists of tomato sauce on a thin, slightly overcooked crust, with grated cheese as an optional seasoning. That easily shaves about a buck fifty off the total cost if you want to pick up a four-dollar jar of fine-grated Parmesan and even more if you can sweet-talk your local pizzeria into hooking you up with a few take-out packets. If you prefer cheeseless pies because you are vegan or lactose intolerant, the total cost nosedives to all of seven bucks, unless you want to spend a few dollars more for vegetables to add.

If you want to use basil to make a margherita pie or add eggplant, prosciutto, salami, clams or anchovies, expect to spend about another three to five dollars for each of these toppings, making for a total in the ballpark of $15 to $20.

Now, if you wanted to do a white clam and garlic pie not unlike how they do in New Haven, nix the red sauce and on top of getting the other necessary ingredients, drop about three bucks for canned clams at Target and about sixty cents for a clove of garlic from Safeway. If you don’t feel like peeling and chopping garlic, Target sells 3.12-ounce jars of garlic powder for $1.50 each. All told, we’re looking at about $15 here.

Since each personal pita pizza counts one portion, the cost per will range from a little more than buck to just south of $3.50, depending on choice of toppings. That’s less than the average price per slice in San Francisco in 2025, and you are guaranteed better quality than the ropy, generic, unsatisfying stuff you’d find at any corporate chain pizzeria.

Buon appetito!

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