How to Safely Eat Your Pets During a Food Shortage
It’s day 11 of quarantine, and if you are like me, you’re starting to think about eating your pets. Not because you have anything against your wife’s Pomeranian named ‘Penelope’, but because your government is asking you to shelter in place, and to conserve supplies, and you have mouths to feed.
How to Eat Your Dog
1.First, you’re going to want to get your wife out of the house. Tell her you need some life saving medicine or that the attic is on fire, the important thing is that she leave for a while and let you work.
2. Find a pot big enough for Penelope.
3. Shave the dog and boil it with some lovely Korean spices
4. More great dog soup recipes found here.
5. Eat the dog.
How to eat your ferrets
How to properly Spit roast your ferrets, hamsters, kittens, & armadillos
Like a lot of us, Stewart and Kayla are tired of going to the store. And, maybe a little tired of their ferrets, who keep multiplying in numbers. As many of us ferret owners know, ferrets love to fuck. For more about ferret breading checkout this video, but for now let’s focus on how to eat them. Simply watch the video bellow, and every time Kayla says ‘rabbit’, just substitute the type of pet you are eating, because the cooking instructions are the same for all small pets.
How to eat your bats
My friends Brian and Bona love to eat their pet bats from time to time. Sometime they eat their own bats, and sometimes they go to wet markets and buy a whole colony of bats to eat. But often they have enough pet bats at home to make dinner. And right now with the shelter in place ordinance, who wants to risk going to your favorite bat cave or market to look for more pets? I know I don’t.
How to Sous Vide your bats by Martha Stewart
Brian and Bona recommend Martha Stewar’s fancy sous vide bat recipe.
“Juicy, flavor-packed, and impossibly tender, a sous vide bat is an extraordinary meal that you can make in your kitchen tonight” – Martha Stewart.
STEP 1: PREPARE A WATER BATH
STEP 2: MOUNT A THERMOMETER ON THE SIDE OF THE POT (OPTIONAL).
STEP 4: PLACE BAT IN A ZIPLOC BAG.
STEP 6: SEAR BAT (OPTIONAL).
For entire bat resipe go to marthastewart.com, or do what I did and email Brian.