San Francisco is officially a city out of touch. That wasn’t always a bad thing. The Bay being its own little planet has always been what has allowed it to be a place for all walks of life to finally feel safe enough to stop walking, take a stand, and maybe even settle down.
But if you ever told me, even a few years ago, that billionaires would become so entrenched in the city that they or someone sympathetic to their cause (hoarding everything at the expense of everyone) would try to organize a march in the same way an oppressed minority group would do to combat institutional or cultural oppression, I’d tell you you’re out of your fucking mind.
And you would be, but unfortunately, billionaires, and the people who lick their boots, are also out of their fucking minds. And SF’s ‘March for Billionaires’ is either brilliant satire or the latest manifestation of the elite’s collective mental illness.
And if it isn’t satire… Who the fuck is behind it?
Well, the first guess would be a billionaire or a group of billionaires. Which in the most obvious way would make sense. Usually people who plan marches for the rights of a group are people in that group. Not always; allyship is a thing after all, but typically that’s how it works.
But most billionaires have advisors. Advisors are the people who are paid to tell billionaires how to behave in a way that makes them more sympathetic to the people whose lives they’re ruining.
And something tells me no advisor who was even worth a percentage of what they’re paid would ever suggest something so obviously cringe.
The second guess is that it was organized by a person or a group of people who look at billionaires as aspirational figures. When they look at the elite, they don’t see the personification of greed itself, they see deities in some sense – gods among men who are tasked with leading us.
Even if they’re leading us off of a fucking cliff.
But who would that most likely be?
Who could be the prime suspects in a bootlicking lineup? In the case that this isn’t satire, of course…
There are a lot of people in San Francisco who worship billionaires, but who worships the hardest? Who sits in the cuckchair of capitalism most often?
Photo Credit: Web Summit
Could it be Garry Tan?
Garry Tan is the face of Y Combinator, a premier startup incubator that brought us AirBnB and DoorDash. He is someone who regularly pals around with billionaires without being one himself. The dude even famously wore a shirt that said “We should have more billionaires” in the same font that Zohran Mamdani made synonymous with his campaign.
However, Garry is already famous. And he doesn’t need to do outlandish shit to get headlines. He can just tweet stupid shit on X and the media will report on it.
Another guess is Scotty Jacobs. Scotty was the social media face of Blueprint SF before stepping down. He has made videos attacking me and people I work with, such as Dean Preston, Bunny McFadden, and even the guy who owns this site, BrokeAssStuart.
He also isn’t very popular online. He makes a ton of videos, and you can tell he wants to become a successful San Francisco influencer, but nothing has really popped off for him.
What better way to get clout chase while defending the indefensible actions of oligarchs than by organizing a march for the elite in a city with some of the highest income inequality in the world?
All of this is speculation.
It could also be any number of people who want to get in the good graces of San Francisco’s Silicon Valley elite.
I guess we’ll find out this Saturday. The only thing I know is that I’m going to be there to accurately document this cringe.
Who do you think it is?
