What Has Two Thumbs and Loves Comedy Nights?
Some people just cannot tell a joke. Case in point: Uncle Jerry.
My friend Alice brought her friend Mike to her family reunion. It was a huge gathering at a nice restaurant and Mike was a hit with the whole family, the little kids jumping on him, the teenage girls giggling in the corners, the aunts shaking his hand, even the geriatrics telling Alice what a 'œnice boy' he was. But Mike hit it off the best with the uncles, to whom he kept telling the same joke: 'œWhat has two thumbs and loves blow jobs?' And then, pointing to himself with both thumbs, 'œThis guy!' When everyone sat down at the long table, Alice and Mike took their seats next to good old drunken Uncle Jerry, who kept repeating, 'œthis guy,' and laughing to himself. After a few minutes of eating, Uncle Jerry turned to them and slurred, 'œI’m gonna tell the joke.' Alice and Mike tried to tell him it wasn’t such a good idea, that it wasn’t appropriate, but to no avail. Uncle Jerry tapped his knife on his glass, stood up, and as everyone turned to him, a hush descended upon the room. With toddlers, grandparents, and even great-aunt Trudy smiling up at him, Uncle Jerry, swaying and inebriated, pointed both thumbs to his chest and declared: 'œI love blow jobs.'
So you see, sometimes it’s best to leave the joke-telling to the professionals. And if not professionals, then at least those brave souls who are used to hearing crickets after telling a dud. I can’t vouch for all of these but listed below are your weekly $10-and-under Comedy Night options:
Mondays @ 9pm (3rd Monday is Ladies’ Night “which means funnier than all the other nights,” according to local comedy legend Emily Heller)
Comedy Mondays Live @ Deluxe
1511 Haight St. @ Ashbury [Haight]
$5
2nd Mondays @ 7pm
Monday Happy Hour Comedy @ Café Royale
800 Post St. @ Leavenworth [Tenderloin]
FREE
Tuesdays @ 8:30pm
Standup Comedy @ the Layover Bar
1517 Franklin St. btwn 15th & 17th [Downtown Oakland, btwn the 12th St and 19th St Bart Stations]
FREE
Tuesdays @ 9pm
Harvey’s Funny Tuesadays @ Harvey’s (“Gay Comedy in the heart of the Castro!”)
500 Castro St. @ 18th St. [The Castro]
FREE (one drink minimum)
Tuesdays @ 8pm
Comedy Blast @ Rockit Room
406 Clement St. @ 5th Ave. [Richmond District]
$10
Tuesdays 6-9pm
Comedy Open Mic @ Annie’s Social Club
917 Folsom St. @ 5th St. [SoMa]
FREE
1st & 3rd Tuesdays @ 8pm
Raw Comedy Night @ Poleng Lounge
1751 Fulton St. @ Masonic [Panhandle]
$5
Wednesdays @ 7pm & 9pm
San Francisco Comedy College‘s Hump Day Show @ The Clubhouse
414 Mason St. #705 @ Geary St [Union Square]
$5
Thursdays @ 8pm
San Francisco Comedy College‘s Thursday Night Fling @ The Clubhouse
414 Mason St. #705 @ Geary St [Union Square]
$5
Thursdays @ 7pm
Comedy Night @ BrainWash Café
1122 Folsom St. @ 7th St. [SoMa]
FREE
Thursdays @ 8pm
Comedy Off Broadway Oakland @ Miss Pearl’s Jam House
1 Broadway @ 7th [Downtown Oakland, near the 12th St. Bart Station]
$10
Fridays @ 9pm
Comedy Off Broadway Oakland @ The Washington Inn
495 10th St. @ Washington [Downtown Oakland, near the 12th St. Bart Station]
$10
2nd Sundays @ 7pm
Standup Comedy Night @ Actor’s Theatre
855 Bush St. btwn Mason & Taylor [Lower Nob Hill]
$10