Party Like A Scot at Edinburgh Castle's Annual Robert Burns Night

Are bagpipes sexy or terrifying? Discuss.

What is haggis?  Why aren’t kilts a hispter staple by now?  Where is Scotland anyway?  If you find yourself asking these burning questions yet are too lazy to type a couple phrases into Google, head down to Edinburgh Castle Pub‘s Robert Burns Night on Saturday.  I guarantee you’ll learn all you ever need to know about Scotland at this rowdy, 17th annual gathering devoted to the fair country’s national poet, Robert Burns (or just “Rabbie” if you want to sound authentic).

If you’ve never been to Tuesday night trivia at Edinburgh Castle, which is great but super crowded, prepare to share some serious personal space with your neighbors at Burns Night.  It’s gonna get PACKED up in that bitch.  Scots don’t fuck around with national icons.  Maybe that’s why there’s a $10 cover — BUT that includes haggis, some sheep-intestine thing that probably tastes like butt (sorry, Scots).  Thankfully, for the non-culinarily adventurous, there’s a buffet with real people food as well.

Of course, there will be lots and lots of bagpipe-playing, scotch-drinking and poetry reading (because you really should always be drunk when subjected to poetry).  And probably really attractive people, because for some reason the attractives like to congregate in the Tenderloin.  I think it’s kind of like the final obstacle round on Double Dare — if you find the hidden flag inside of a giant nose and come out unscathed, you win the prize of hanging out with/possibly banging an attractive.  I just made walking through the Tenderloin sound kind of fun, but always remember that midget hooker.