Mitchell Duran

02 Dec 2019

The Five Stages of Losing for a 49er’s fan

OFF MENU IS SPONSORED BY EMPEROR NORTON’S BOOZELAND THE TENDERLOIN’S NEWEST HISTORIC DIVE.  HAPPY HOUR NOON – 7PM If you’re a bold red and gold forty-niner San Franciscan, you know the heartbreaking roller coaster the team has put their community through the years. From the 2003 – 2010 years missing the playoffs seven

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07 Nov 2019

I came. I saw. I got the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich.

After countless months of unquantifiable turmoil, incomprehensible existential dread, and a level of abandonment I have never felt before (I am a child of divorce), the Popeyes original and spicy chicken sandwich was back. “You bastards,” I whispered when I saw the Twitter post announcing the sandwich would be back

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24 Oct 2019

Liquor, Cards, & Riding Amtrak to New Orleans

We were somewhere in between Phoenix Arizona and Houston Texas on an Amtrak train headed for New Orleans when three hard knocks rocked the bathroom door. “Who the fuck is that?” I whispered.  Recently, I had been accepted to the masters program at SF State in creative fiction. I was

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10 Oct 2019

Patti Smith was in San Francisco, this is what she said

There she was, the one and only, the punk rock poet laureate of past, present, and future – Patti Smith. She was dressed in her quintessential baggy clothes – big brown jacket, loose black jeans, booming stringy gray hair – dragging her doc marten’s in a slow-moving gait maintaining the

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09 Oct 2019

Totally Reasonable Excuses to Make for Men Who Leave You on “Read”

by Laurie Riihimaki Alright, let’s get real for a sec. There are a few reasons why we make up excuses for men when they ignore our texts. Firstly, we never want to admit that our dream-fuck is ignoring our texts. Like, even if we know our worth, have our shit

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08 Oct 2019

An Ode to Hardly Strictly Bluegrass in San Francisco

Ah yes, that time of the year again, that time in the Fall musical season when the hordes from the outer lands of the Bay Area pour into the already bursting at the seams streets of San Francisco to enjoy some free music, shake their fragile hips to, fro, do-si-do,

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04 Oct 2019

What These Couples Costumes Say About Your Relationship

by Kate Brunotts If your partner has brought up matching costumes this year, you’re in it deep. Halloween is one of the best times of year on its own, not to mention another shining opportunity to show off to the world that you’re not going to die alone.  Before you

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