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Dolores Park Crowd Does Good Social Distancing, Despite Spring Fever

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The Memorial Day Weekend storming of Gay Beach posed great risk in the age of coronavirus,  but the throngs who showed up at Dolores Park this weekend socially distanced pretty well. This despite that many of these barely-clothed hot people had not been sexually aroused by anything other than a computer screen in longer than two months.

The Broke-Ass Stuart I-Team hit the park at about 3 p.m. Monday afternoon to check out the social distancing scene. Some of these shots make it look like the people way off in the distance are tiny ants who are very close together, but that is not the case. It’s a visual illusion created by distance shots. When you get closer to these “clusters,” many weren’t really clusters at all.

Here’s a closer-up look at the same congregation of people from a closer perspective. Sure, some people are within 6 feet of one another. But for all you know these people live together and are fucking safely. We did not see much mask-wearing, but masks are technically not required when in a park according to the San Francisco face covering order. There were no Rec and Parks personnel enforcing social distancing recommendations at 3pm on Memorial Day, but about 85% of park-goers were complying with the six-foot rule.


This lazy-ass dog had a terrible sense of aim when setting up his/her/their tent. But most two-legged sentient beings set up their tents or blankets properly and within established social distancing rules.

Dolores Park did see some bad patches of crappy social distancing, particularly in the shady areas on this hot holiday weekend. But this was not the rule, the vast majority of groupings we saw at the peak of Memorial Day Weekend were totally six feet apart.

The circles painted on the Dolores Park grass totally worked to keep people maintaining their six-foot distance, and Dolores Park ran circles around other destinations in the U.S. that did a really poor job maintaining distance. We’re like cats, man, we respond well to having that structure of the circles to sit in.

There was plenty of talk about touching each other’s balls this weekend, but some clearly posted rules strongly discouraged the sharing of any balls at the park.

The Dolores Park crowds did a pretty good, though not great job of maintaining distancing in the park this weekend. We would give it a B or B-minus, but compared to some places in America, Dolores Park passed with flying colors. We could probably use more white painted circles on the park’s upper southern hill, but by and large, a less-crowded-than-usual park kept their distance pretty safely whilst showing off their hot bods.  

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

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