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Let’s Consider This Theory That The Cops and CIA Are Behind All The Fireworks

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The fireworks have been ringing loud and all night long, from Oakland to Mission Street to Daly City, with fireworks complaints up across the Bay Area this summer. New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, and really the whole country are experiencing an explosion of firecracker antics and resulting complaints to law enforcement, against a backdrop of George Floyd demonstrations and unemployed peeps with time on their hands because of shelter-in-place restrictions

People complain that the fireworks are “worse than ever this year” every year. Back in 2017, the Examiner reported that fireworks complaints had doubled over the previous July 4 weekend. And Oakland, Mission Street, and Daly City residents will tell you that oh hell yes the July 4 fireworks start in June, well before Independence Day. But the underlying social unrest this year has led to speculation that law enforcement, the CIA, or some organized alt-right assholes might be slyly operating some sort of psy-ops campaign to terrorize communities of color, or make people lose sleep so they are worn down and unable to continue protests and demonstrations.

PLEASE NOTE: Agents are descending on this thread to discredit and gaslight this observation. Please alert me to them…

Posted by Son of Baldwin on Saturday, June 20, 2020

Author Robert Jones, Jr. describes this above in posts that went viral on both Facebook and Twitter. “The media is reporting this as though it’s just Black and Brown kids blowing off steam, but I don’t believe that’s the case,” says a post on his Son of Baldwin account. “My neighbors and I believe that this is part of a coordinated attack on Black and Brown communities by government forces; an attack meant to disorient and destabilize the #BlackLivesMatter movement.”

“The goal, we think, is multifaceted,” it continues. “Sleep deprivation as a means to create confusion and stoke tensions between Black and Brown peoples. Desensitization as a means to get us so used to the sounds of firecrackers and other fireworks that when they start using their real artillery on us we won’t know the difference. It’s meant to sound like a war zone because a war zone is what it’s about to become.”

Late-night cop chicanery as definitely afoot in various urban areas, and the poisoned Shack Shack hoax has rightfully undermined law enforcement’s credibility. (That plus, you know, killing people.) A New York Post report claims to catch NYFD firefighters in the act of lighting fireworks, though the video has no proof of firefighters setting off the firecrackers.

We cannot disprove the theory of law enforcement involvement, because police do not go around telling the press about their secret operations. But we can prove that amateur firework sales are way up this year.

“There is definitely an increase in backyard consumer fireworks sales, starting earlier than in previous years,” American Pyrotechnic Association executive director Julie Heckman told Vox. Some fireworks companies are reporting as much as a 400% increase in sales over previous years. Add to that how most cities have canceled their fireworks displays because of COVID-19 spread fears, leaving people to their own pyrotechnical devices.

“Folks have been locked in their houses and are looking for a little relief and looking for a little entertainment with their families with all the shows being canceled,” Uncle Sam Fireworks manager George Bennett told Block Club Chicago. “It’s been pretty busy this year. All the stores are busy.”

And just like with chirping birds, outdoor activity is louder and more amplified to our human ears under shelter-in-place, with fewer cars, airplanes, and industrial white noise blocking them out. A New York Times study found that urban street noise has declined significantly under stay-at-home orders, so sounds like bird calls and fireworks carry louder and further.

If law enforcement is indeed lighting off their own fireworks to quell George Floyd protests, the strategy has been kind of a hilarious self-own. As you can see from our lists of upcoming Bay Area protests, any attempt to calm these protests is definitely not working. If they’re using fireworks to stop the demonstrations, it’s backfired.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.


  1. Jenni
    June 24, 2020 at 10:06 am

    In my neighborhood, a guy was setting off M80’s in the parking lot across the street. Cops had said that if you see someone setting them off to call so they could be cited. I called, and when the cop rolled in a few minutes later, he instructed the guy to clean up the exploded bits, they had a good chuckle, he patted the guy on the back and left.
    I don’t know if the CIA and cops are behind it, but they sure as hell aren’t doing anything about it.

  2. perry
    June 25, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    Being in the NOPA part of SF I thought I would have some immunity from the constant barrage of fireworks that are set off every year in the bay. Unfortunately its been a constant assault that begins every evening around dusk and continues into the late morning hours. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the dogs we have. They are so scared it has become a nightly ritual of holding them tight until they stop shaking, which happens when the fireworks stop. Calls to law enforcement are about as helpful as calling my mother. They assure me everything will be ok but it never is.
    Look, when I was younger I would engage in such activities but it wasn’t on this level and it wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning. I would be a hypocrite to deny that there is something primal and exciting about setting off fireworks but there is a limit. Lately it sounds like a damn war zone with massive explosions that rock the windows throughout the night, Reassurances from SFPD that the situation will be resolved are as good as a 3 dollar bill.

  3. Emma
    June 27, 2020 at 7:43 am

    How do we catch them In the act/ expose them/ drag them and humiliate them? For terrorizing innocent dogs

  4. Scott D
    June 27, 2020 at 12:31 pm

    … but they sure as hell aren’t doing anything about it.

    What are they possibly going to do about it? You can’t put people in jail for fireworks during a pandemic. Seriously, are we going to become as crazy as the right-wing with our stupid conspiracy theories?

    The simplest explanation is usually the correct one: people are trapped at home, kids are bored out of their minds, there’s not a whole lot else to spend disposable income on, and fireworks companies aren’t getting big contracts this year and want to stay in business.

  5. Leanne (former SFister)
    June 28, 2020 at 12:31 am

    Joe, I’ve been trying to find your email address to contact you. I live in the Tenderloin, and there’s this elusive “TL Bomber” guy who’s been randomly dropping M80s/M100s throughout the neighborhood for the last 20 years.

    I’ve heard these go off personally for 10 years, and there are people in the TL NextDoor group who say he’s been doing it for about 20. He’s never been caught, but some people think they’re timed somehow. There have been claims that he rides a motorcycle or dirtbike or something, and it might be two people.

    I have a ton of screenshots from NextDoor that I can send you. People post at least monthly about it, and the usual response is “It’s the bomb guy.”

    Here’s a Reddit thread about it from 7 years ago:

    I’ve been wondering if he’s been the one doing a lot of this on the north side of town during shelter in place. Regardless, it would be an interesting story to find out who it is.

  6. Teegan
    June 28, 2020 at 10:36 am

    Oh my god the birds! The birds chirping all day are so fucking annoying.