Confirmed: Trump Totally Had COVID Onstage With Joe Biden At Debate

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Image: C-SPAN

Kamala Harris needs to be awfully damned careful around vice president Mike Pence at their debate, because these Republicans will totally take the stage unmasked, with a raging case of COVID-19, and hate-spewing infected droplets in every direction. A tiny detail five paragraphs deep into a Tuesday Bloomberg article ”Trump’s Doctor Has Job of Containing Patient Eager to Campaign” allows us to unspool with with certainty a terrifying detail — that Trump was definitely infected with coronavirus onstage at his September 29 debate with Joe Biden.

Not too far into the Bloomberg article about the White House COVID-19 outbreak, we see the detail that “The medical staff has traced the White House cases to the Sept. 26 Rose Garden ceremony for Trump to announce Amy Coney Barrett as his pick to fill a Supreme Court vacancy.” That allows us to contact-trace back to who else Trump exposed.

Sat. Sept. 26 – Amy Coney Barrett Ceremony

More like Amy COVID Barrett, ammirite? For those keeping score, we know that ceremony attendees Hope Hicks, hugging fucker Sen. Mike Lee, Chris Christie, Sen. Thom Tillis, and Kellyanne Conway tested positive shortly after the event. Of course, so did Trump and Melania, and the White House medical staff says the cases are traced back to this event.

Sun. Sept. 27 – Gold Star Family Reception

The 40-second bullshit propaganda video above is kind of hilarious to watch with the knowledge that Trump and Melania completely have the COVID and don’t know it, but also rather enraging given that they’re totally not masking or distancing around Gold Star military families.

Image: Business Insider via C-SPAN

Tues. Sept. 29 – The Presidential Debate

Check out Melania all infected as hell, maskless, and cruising way-too-close to Joe Biden. This is three days after the Trumps’ infection, and there may be a reason that Trump refused to be tested before the debate.

We still don’t know when Trump’s last negative test was, and that’s a pretty important detail. But we do know, thankfully, that Joe Biden’s last negative test was yesterday (Tuesday, Oct. 6).

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.