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10 Dirtiest ‘Muppet Show’ Scenes That Disney+ Will Probably Censor

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Everyone went gonzo over this week’s news that the Disney+ streaming service would be getting the entire “Muppet Show” library. That’s great, but those of us of a certain age remember that some of these “Muppet Show” scenes were pretty racy, and the Disney censors are probably going to scrub some of that Muppet content.

Each of the 10 scenes below are very much real, and were broadcast on the original “Muppet Show” that aired from 1976 to 1981, not any other of the other Muppet show or movie incarnations over the decades since. That 1970s version was not necessarily a children’s show, and we have hard time seeing Disney+ stream some of these scenes in their original form.

“THE MUPPET SHOW: SEX AND VIOLENCE”

True Fact: The Muppets’ 1975 pilot episode was not called “The Muppet Show,” it was called “The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence.” The opening sequences are seen above, and the premise of the episode was the arranging of a “Seven Deadly Sins Pageant.”

THE TOTAL LEATHER DADDY VERSION OF “MACHO MAN”

They’re not even trying to hide the BDSM/leather subtext and overtones in this 1979 Muppets version of “Macho Man,” where the pigs are all bears in leather living in SoMa-style tenement, and organize to fight law enforcement harassment from a homophobic cop version of Fozzie the Bear.

THE MUPPETS DID ANOTHER GAY SEX ANTHEM, TOO

The Village People’s “In The Navy” is also without question a gay sex anthem, and the Muppets did a cover of it performed by the same all-male cast of pigs plundering a primarily cishet village.

THE MUPPETS DID A SONG ABOUT SEX WORK

Blondie’s 1980 hit single “Call Me” was the theme to the film American Gigolo, a 1980 crime drama starring Richard Gere as male escort. Debbie Harry wrote the song from the Richard Gere character’s perspective. And then she did that number on the “Muppet Show,” with no lyrics or content censored. 

JANICE WAS BIG OL’ STONER SLUT

Surely every member of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem smoked weed, so it’s no surprise that Janice is a huge pothead. But check that hot purple bodice in her duet with Linda Ronstadt above, establishing with certainty that Janice was definitely DTF. 

GONZO WAS A CHICKENFUCKER 

Gonzo’s sexual attraction to chickens is well-established in the Muppets canon. But it is unclear whether this constitutes interpecies bestiality; as in in the words of Kermit the Frog, “Now I got a lady pig, and a bear, and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is.”

ALICE COOPER TRIES TO GET THE MUPPETS TO SELL THEIR SOULS TO SATAN

That was the actual plot to a 1978 “Muppets Show” episode, as Muppet.Fandom.com explains. “Alice later reveals himself to be an agent of The Devil, offering the Muppets ‘fabulous riches and worldwide fame’ in a Faustian exchange for their souls,” the site explains. “Kermit shudders at the idea, Miss Piggy gives it a test run but ultimately decides it’s not worth the sacrifice (or the makeover), and Gonzo spends much of the episode looking for a pen to sign the contract. He becomes so desperate that he, in quick succession, offers to trade the Vile Bunch Drummer a chicken, all of his chickens, and finally his soul for a pen before realizing that he has ‘other plans for that.’”

RUTH BUZZI AND SWEETUMS DO SOME BRUTALLY ROUGH EDGEPLAY

You don’t think of famously hairnetted Laugh-In star Ruth Buzzi as a sex symbol —because she never was! (wocka, wocka…) But the above duet she did with oversize Muppet Sweetums could absolutely never air in the #MeToo era.

MISS PIGGY TRIES TO BANG JAMES BOND

Ya shoulda held out for Daniel Craig, Piggy!

PETER SELLERS SINGS “CIGARETTES, WHISKEY, AND WILD, WILD WOMEN”

The song “Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women” dates back to 1947, but I don’t see the Muppets doing a song about whiskey and wild women airing on Disney+ anytime soon.  

 All five seasons of “The Muppet Show” will be available for streaming on Disney+ starting February 19, 2021.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

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