The FDA has Given Full Approval to the Pfizer Vaccine

Updated: Aug 24, 2021 08:13
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House Pfizer is about to get a lot larger. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has blessed the Pfizer-BioNTech Covid-19 vaccine with its full approval, which means vaccine mandates can now be real vaccine mandates. No more of this “proof of recent negative test” bullshit, we have a fully FDA approved coronavirus vaccine and now no one has any legitimate excuse to not get the shot.

As with all pharmaceutical products, it also has a terrible new commercial name. The Pfizer vaccine will now be marketed under the name “Comirnaty,” and there will be TV commercials with Cyndi Lauper and Ray Liotta  any day now, probably with a Pixies song in the background.

“The public and medical community can be confident that although we approved this vaccine expeditiously, it was fully in keeping with our existing high standards for vaccines in the U.S.,” the FDA’s top vaccine regulator Peter Marks said. He notes that 44,000 people participated in the clinical trials that proved the drug safe and 91% effective against COVID-19.

FDA approval may seem like a quaint and frankly irrelevant milestone to those of us who spent the month of April constantly hitting refresh on that fucking MyTurn website, jonesing to get that shot in us any way we could. But it is important to some  “wait and see” vaccine holdouts. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll found that 30% of still-unvaccinated adults said they would get the shot once it had full FDA approval.

According to the New York Times, 54% of fully vaccinated people got the Pfizer shot. Most of the rest got Moderna, with Johnson & Johnson only in the single-digit percentages. But the Pfizer numbers are about to get much higher, because full approval means more vaccine requirements are about to kick in.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.