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They’re Building another ‘Saleforce’ Tower Next to the Old One

Updated: Oct 04, 2021 09:34
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The same architects that built what’s commonly known as the Salesforce Butt Plug, are now building a second tower, with the same amount of floors (61 stories) nearly next to it, or just across the park.  They are scheduled to break ground in early 2022 and finish in 2026.  FML.

You can already see that Salesforce monstrosity from nearly every street in the city as it is.

Rendering of the 61-story mixed-use tower planned for 550 Howard St. in the Transbay District. The project is planning to break ground in the first quarter of 2022 Image courtesy of Pelli Clarke Pelli

The new mixed-use skyscraper will be at 550 Howard St. in the Transbay District, or what luxury realtors are trying to call ‘The East Cut’ these days. (Fuck them too btw).  With plenty of fancy office space, the skyscraper will also have “170 luxury condos and a deluxe 180-room Rosewood Hotel, complete with a lap pool, spa, indoor/outdoor restaurant, events spaces, patisserie and a signature private lounge concept,” according to their press release.

There’s already a Rosewood hotel in Palo Alto renting rooms from $1000-$1,300 a night.  So rad bro.

Rosewood’s other hotel in Menlo Park.

This whole project feels ironic when you consider that most of the city’s current hotel rooms have been empty for 20 months, and most of our office space is the same way. But obviously these realtors are planning on San Francisco retaking its place as an international hub for wealthy assholes, by 2026.  Build, baby build.

The ‘Salesforce’ tower by the way, was not built by Salesforce and is not owned by Salesforce.  They simply paid $110 million dollars for the naming rights for 25 years.  Once that expires, the tower could be called anything, if the money’s right.

This new 800-foot tower, also designed by Pelli Clarke Pelli, the same architects who designed the Transbay Transit Center and Salesforce Tower, will be shorter than the Salesforce tower by some 200 ft.  Although the buildings have the same amount of floors, the Salesforce tower has that big dome/screen on top, along with private observation decks etc.

It’s anyone’s guess what tech company will buy the naming rights to it.  Maybe it will be called the ‘Pinterest Prick’, or the Tik Tok Tower’ maybe the ‘Delta Airlines Dome’  who knows?

Since the news only broke this morning we don’t yet have a perfect name for the new tower, let us know which you prefer in comments, or suggest your own:

Possible tower names:

1) The Twin Towers of Douche
2) Salesforce #2:  Buttplug Boogaloo
3) The Great Middle Fingers, Luxury Highrises of SF
4) Lord Of San Francisco, The Two Towers
5) Pelli’s Prick; The Second Coming

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

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  1. Fuck off
    September 9, 2021 at 8:12 pm

    You actually out-douched them, winning!

  2. Christopher Knapp
    September 10, 2021 at 10:57 am

    Be. More. Bitter. 👏🏻

  3. Mathias Lee
    September 10, 2021 at 2:39 pm

    Always referred to Salesforce Tower as Suppository Tower. The new monstrosity at 550 Howard has no architectural pizazz. Totally lazy design, this is fuckin San Francisco, go bold, no big.

  4. Hotdog
    September 11, 2021 at 12:05 pm

    Douche canoe all way. Who cares that people spend that money for a hotel room, that’s tax revenue for the city. You want them to spend that money to fix the homeless problem? Elect officials that actually do their job. I’m just happy that this project will employ people to construct the a new build then provide future workspace where people start returning to back to the offices. Much better than a dirt lot that does nothing, very much like your writing influence.