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CDC Shortens Recommended COVID-19 Isolation Duration, California Responds

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The Center for Disease Control recently announced that they’re adjusting their COVID-19 isolation guidelines for people who have tested positive for the virus; shortening it from 10 days to only 5 days, as long as they’re asymptomatic. 

You’re probably wondering, what does that mean for the State of California? Well, good news! I have an answer for you.

You’re probably wondering, what does that mean for the State of California? Well, good news! I have an answer for you. And depending on what side of the pandemic fence you sit on, you may be relieved or pissed off. I guarantee there are plenty of people on both sides. We’re in California, everyone has an opinion. Due to the extreme diversity of our beautiful state, it’s hard to define a unique characteristic that applies to almost all Californians, but I think I know what it is: the inability to shut the fuck up about anything. Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one and California has about 40 million assholes. 

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, California public health officials announced that we’re going to adjust our policies based on the CDC’s updated recommendations. But, of course, there are some caveats. After the five day isolation period, you have to wear a mask everywhere you go for the next five days, no exceptions. Yes, even in the car. I’m just kidding, but I wonder what the CDC’s official stance is on people who wear their masks in their cars? They probably don’t care. I just assume they’re ugly. Or maybe they’re so sexy they don’t want to distract you while you’re driving with their flawless beauty? The world may never know. Probably because it’s a stupid fucking question. Anyway… 

These new updates are only for people who are asymptomatic. That essentially means not sick, but contagious. If you’re still symptomatic or if you develop symptoms after the five days, stay in the house longer, ass. 

Here’s a more detailed and less snarky version of the update directly from the CDC: 

If You Test Positive for COVID-19 (Isolate): 

  • Stay home for 5 days.

  • If you have no symptoms or your symptoms are resolving after 5 days, you can leave your house.

  • Continue to wear a mask around others for 5 additional days.

If you have a fever, continue to stay home until your fever resolves.

If You Were Exposed to Someone with COVID-19 (Quarantine):

If you:

Have been boosted

OR

Completed the primary series of Pfizer or Moderna vaccine within the last 6 months

OR

Completed the primary series of J&J vaccine within the last 2 months

  • Wear a mask around others for 10 days.

  • Test on day 5, if possible.

If you develop symptoms get a test and stay home.

If you:

Completed the primary series of Pfizer or Moderna vaccine over 6 months ago and are not boosted

OR

Completed the primary series of J&J over 2 months ago and are not boosted

OR

Are unvaccinated

  • Stay home for 5 days. After that continue to wear a mask around others for 5 additional days.

  • If you can’t quarantine you must wear a mask for 10 days.

  • Test on day 5 if possible.

If you develop symptoms get a test and stay home

And there you have it, the adjusted rules of engagement in the war against COVID-19. 

Please get vaccinated. I know I make jokes, but despite us getting used to the COVID-19 pandemic, we still need to take this seriously and do everything we can to protect our loved ones and anyone else we may come into contact with. It’s the least we can do. A lot of people have already died, let’s do what we can to make sure that number doesn’t continue to grow unmitigated.

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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is a San Francisco-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, BrokeAssStuart.com. His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground will be available early 2022.

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