Eat & DrinkNationalSatire/Humor/Comedy

The Weirdest Things People Have Left Behind at Restaurants

The Bay's best newsletter for underground events & news

Every restaurant has a cardboard box stashed away somewhere that serves as a lost and found department. Customers are notoriously forgetful when it comes to their belongings and leave things behind that makes you wonder how on earth they would ever forget that? Maybe it’s because the food lulls them into a sense of apathy. It’s even worse at bars when people drink too much and forget to take their belongings. Seriously, how does someone forget their dildo?

I once watched a woman hobble into my section using a cane only to discover that cane sitting underneath the table twenty minutes after she had left. Either she didn’t really need the cane when she walked in or I’m a miracle worker.

When I recently asked people in my Twitter feed what was the oddest thing a customer had ever left behind, the answers did not disappoint. More than one person found crutches thereby proving that maybe waiters are in fact healers of some sort. Cocaine, crystal meth, and weed also were popular items that were forgotten in restaurants and let’s be honest: those items may or may not have found their way into the lost and found.

Behold, here are some of the other rather interesting items that probably did end up in the lost and found box in the manager’s office:

Holly: A few months ago a customer left Titanic Part 1 and 2 on VHS under their table. No tip though. Well, I guess near far, wherever you are, your heart does go on.

Paul: I had a guy leave his grill on his plate. It got cleared with all the dirty dishes and thrown away. He came back about an hour later. It was in the trash. He asked if I could find it… he stiffed me. I told him where the garbage bags were if he wanted to search for it. I too once had someone come back to the restaurant looking for the retainer they had left wrapped in a napkin and I also kindly directed them to the trash can because no tip is big enough to make me go through the garbage to find your mouth apparatus.

Anonymous: I had a regular (who would come in at least once a week) who brought his own tartar sauce. And always left it. We told him we would keep one in our fridge for him to use when he came in, but he always brought a new one. Eventually we had to toss 8+ bottles. It’s better than having the customer ask us to make tartar sauce with mayonnaise, pickles and mustard.

Hillary: A hockey puck, nail clippers, breast pump, fake eyelashes on a dessert plate, tax returns, a will and a framed picture of a Russian grandma. I want to know where Hillary works and I also want to know how she knew the grandma was Russian.

Lindsay: A Tina Turner biography. Maybe the reader had finished the book and wanted to pass it on to someone else so they can see what love has to do with it.   

Sammael: A black velvet painting of a haunted-looking little girl with giant eyes. Oh, and pants. How did you lose pants? If this had happened in my section, that painting would 100% be hanging in my apartment right now. The pants, not so much.

Ragan: I had a lady rip the underwire out of bra and leave it on the table. I can’t say that I blame her, those things are uncomfortable.

Stevie: Spanx. She came back the next day to retrieve them. After a three-course meal, maybe the Spanx just weren’t doing their job anymore. Like nature, food always wins.

Broke-Ass Stuart works because of reader support. Join us now.

Howdy! My name is Katy Atchison and I'm an Associate Editor for Broke-Ass Stuart.

I want to take the time to say thank you for supporting independent news media by reading Supporting independent news sources like Broke-Ass Stuart is vital to supporting our community because it amplifies the voices of a wide variety of diverse opinions. You also help support small businesses and local artists by sharing stories from Broke-Ass Stuart.

Because you're one of our supporters, I wanted to send over a pro-tip.

Our bi-weekly newsletter is a great way to get round ups of Broke-Ass Stuart stories, learn about new businesses in The Bay Area, find out about fun local events and be first in line for giveaways.

If you’d like to get our newsletter, signup right here, it takes 5 seconds.

Previous post

Antidepressants: A Thank-You to My Drugs

Next post

San Francisco's Circus Bella : Performers You Should Know

Bitchy Waiter

Bitchy Waiter

Darron Cardosa is a writer, actor, singer, and waiter. He lives and and works in New York City and enjoys "The Brady Bunch," "The Facts of Life" and cocktails almost as much as he hates your baby.