Adam Schiff Got His Car Broken Into In San Francisco

Credit: Gage Skidmore

Adam Schiff, an American Congressman who I honestly don’t have an opinion on, did what congress people do when they come to San Francisco – ate with rich people, gave a speech and got robbed. 

They don’t call San Francisco ‘Bip City’ for nothin’. If you park your car in San Francisco and you’re silly enough to leave your valuables in it, well, that’s your fault. 

I’m speaking from experience. My car was broken into back in 2020 just before the Pandemic kicked off. I was honestly unphased. There was nothing to steal. They did take a big bag of Hot Cheetos and about $10 of change in my cup holder which I had to give to homeless people in the first place. It felt more like a rite of passage than a major inconvenience. Did it cost me $150? Yes. But it’s San Francisco – it nearly costs that much to get across the bridge. 

I even took a silly photo…

However, this most recent incident is clearly not what the City wants. San Francisco is going through a bit of an image problem, and rich people getting robbed isn’t what they want in the news. I’m not gonna lie, a well connected Democratic Congressman getting his car broken into is Fox News boner fuel. And the last thing we need is a rock hard O’Reily. Is he still on Fox News? I don’t know. I made the joke for the sake of alliteration. 

The robbery didn’t stop the Schiff from doing the normal politician shit. He did his speech, took the almost obligatory photo with business owners at a Chinese restaurant. Well, not any Chinese Restaurant – it was the famous House of Nanking which has a show on the Food Network. God forbid this man use his fame to promote an unknown business.

I think it would be kind of funny if he did local hood shit. Can you imagine Adam Schiff standing at the 24th and Mission Bart Plaza, buying his clothes back from the dude who broke into his car and taking a photo with the caption “Can’t knock the hustle” with several of the red 100 emojis, followed by a fire emoji? 

Can we not have some fun? 

Hear me out – the politicians are never going to help us. We don’t float in the Bay; it’s sink or swim, and Adam Schiff ain’t gonna do shit to change that fundamental fact. But what he can do is be a silly goose about it. 

I’m depressed all the time, but do I cry? No. I shitpost, and in the process of my shitposting, I’ve amassed a massive audience.. There’s value in being a silly goose. The embrace of absurdity is how you keep yourself sane. And let’s be entirely honest, Adam Schiff has probably stolen (or helped people steal) more than any of the bippers in San Francisco combined because he is a politician and that’s what they do. 

But hey… can’t knock the hustle 💯💯💯💯💯🔥

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