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Good Meals For Starving People: Chili

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Beans! Today is all about ’em. I know last week I wrote about sex and I am probably wrecking boners everywhere, but please hear me out. I’m going through this really weird time right now. I’m starting new projects and none of them pay for a couple more weeks. So I’m in-between paychecks. And groceries. I think I have like $12 and three cigarettes (one of which is broken but I am saving because I know I will get hard-up and smoke it filterless). I really have never bean more broke. You like that? I’m sorry, this is as good as it gets. Anyway, I’m going to have to get creative.

I have ransacked my kitchen to find whatever leftover things are semi-healthy. It turns out I am fully stocked on cans of mandarin oranges and olives. Neither of which can be turned into much. I was looking for something I could make a big batch of that would be filling and last a few meals. Next week, I don’t know. Maybe you are making dinner and will invite me over. Or maybe you would like to take me on a date? Or, maybe I will risk my life buying frozen pizzas at Oakland Grocery Outlet. I kind of want to get out of Oakland this week though. Fourth of July and Oakland do not mix. I’ve already inadvertently done like 15 burpees dropping to the ground playing “gunshot or firecracker?”

So, beans. I have several bags of them dry in my cabinets. They are ridiculously cheaper than almost all of the other food things. They are also healthy!

While perusing WebMD the other day (my stomach ache is either my period, nothing, a baby, or cancer) I stumbled across this article which claims that beans are good for your brain! This is great because I have a feeling if you’re on this site, drinking alcohol is of medium-high importance to you. Your brain is fucking soaked and needs all the extra help it can get.

 Whole Foods  has a lot of resources on their site for learning about benefits of various foods. Use their website to gain knowledge… then take your broke ass somewhere you can actually afford to shop. Lance Armstrong is  stoked on beans. Which is cool I guess. He’s pretty intimidating, don’t you think? The guy is nuts. I bet he’s a real tiger in the sack. I’d probably get down but the ball is really in his court. Maybe not, though, seems like he could get a little testy. Ok. I’m done.

Have I convinced you to eat beans yet? No? Too bad, I’m carrying on. Soaking dry beans overnight is important. Before you go to sleep, just rinse and drain, put in a pot, cover with water, put a lid on. No heat, you’re just trying to soften them up so the next day you can cook them.

Here’s a “recipe” for veggie chili. I’m a vegetarian which is why I’m giving you this version. Also, sometimes you just can’t afford meat. Maybe you can afford a street hot dog, throw that shit in. Whatever. I’m basically just giving you a list of potential ingredients. How much you want to put in is up to you and your taste buds. Put this all in a crock pot and then turn it on low while you go to work. Come home. Eat it.



Beans -I have the mix dry bag so that’s what I’m using, 1-2 cups. Canned beans work fine if you’re lazy and want to make this on a stove top instead of using a slow cooker.

Veggies – Whatever you like! I would say onions, peppers, zuchinni! Chop them up and put them in the pot.


Cumin – This is what makes it taste chili-y.

Chili Powder

Something tomato – Tomatoes, diced can tomatoes, whatever you have. It’s not that serious.

Some broth or water – Put it on top. If I am using 1 cup of dry beans, I use 2-2.5 cups of liquid.

Spice – Spice makes it chili, you know. Hot fresh peppers, cayenne, chili flakes. You know what you like.

Salt & Pepper

That’s it! Bonus points if you add more creative ingredients. I just happen to be barren. Throw in some quinoa for added healthy stuff! Also, make a big pot and invite your friends over. Make sure they bring a side. And wine. And dessert! Then count on the fact they will leave some of that stuff at your house for you to eat later in the week.





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Donna Rose - Bankrupt Blonde

Donna Rose - Bankrupt Blonde

DR has maintained at or just below poverty level her entire life. She lives in Oakland with her imaginary pet cat, Joel.

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