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Do’s and Don’ts for Straight People on Pride Weekend

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Pride Weekend is an to appointment party on the annual calendar, and inevitably some stroller-pushing breeders will want in on that action. I mean, who wouldn’t, it’s a lot of fun. It’s not that straight people are unwelcome; most Pride events are all about inclusion, plus they’ll be very happy to take your $10 (but maybe not your stroller). Just realize there’s a certain decorum to showing your support for a community rather than leaning on them for simple convenient debauchery.


But, if you do want simple convenient debauchery at Pride, as a sincere friend and ally to the gay community, straight people can refer to this simple set of Do’s and Don’ts to help justify their presence at Pride:

pride_transDO attend the Trans March – Straight people are totally welcome at the Trans March. The trans community is delighted for support from any corner it can get, because this community has it tough. Your presence will get you smiles and hugs, or possibly even a muffin basket and a happy ending.

Talking to and getting to know trans people is probably the single most meaningful thing a straight person can do to show support at Pride Weekend. Make a point of talking to some transsexuals, you guys.

DON’T crash the Dyke March – Dyke March is like Take Back the Night when we were in college — the whole point is to not have men around. Men will fuck up that scene with their mere presence. A man should even not attend the Dyke March pre-party unless he is demonstrably gay as fuck.

Whereas if you’re a female cool enough to be reading Broke-Ass Stuart, I assume you’ve gotten down with a chick at least once. So all you women out there are probably cool for Dyke March festivities.


DON’T try to pass as gay. DO go in drag – Dudes should man up and put on a fucking dress. There is no conceivable way a straight man is going to American Apparel himself up and come across as reasonably gay. Better to go overboard, have fun with your out-of-place heterosexuality with a nice ballgown of chiffon, a vintage flapper dress or a simply classic black cocktail dress number.

Females, meanwhile, can easily come across as gay with no effort.


pride_dykeDO attend Pink Saturday. DO pay the $10. DON’T expect heterosexual action – It’s still a gay people’s party. You’re their guest at Pink Saturday, so be a cool guest. Hide booze, and assume gay unless informed otherwise.

DO make conversation with gay people – Some always-reliable icebreakers include 1) “God, it’s getting so corporate this year” 2) “I’m not getting any reception!” 3) “Hey, do you want any [whatever you have in your stash]?”

DO hit kick-ass Pride parties. DON’T crash house parties in The Castro– Think of yourself as a vampire — don’t enter someone’s home unless invited. If thinking of yourself as a vampire seems abstract, also remember that vampires get crazy laid.

DO repeatedly greet people with “Happy Pride”, even when it seems repetitive and pointless – Sure, Pride is sold-out, saturated, watered down and practically meaningless as fuck anymore. But a lot of these gays remember a time when you just weren’t allowed to do this kind of thing. For them, that repetitive and pointless little greeting is still a reminder of several decades of progress. Get to know these people, and treat your city likes it’s their turf for the weekend. And Happy Pride, yo!

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.