satire
Is He “The One” or Is He Just Not Aggressively Toxic?
by Laurie Riihimaki Let’s be real – it’s a challenge to tell if the guy you’ve been fucking on a regular basis is really your Prince Charming or if he’s just an average person in a world full of toxic narcissistic assholes. Like, how are you supposed to tell if
Federal Judge Orders Trump to Untie Screaming Damsel From Train Tracks
A judge rejected the President’s argument that he was immune from “meddling do-gooders.” Monday, Oct 7 2019 – A federal Judge on Monday rejected a bold argument from President Trump that sitting Presidents are immune from investigations into their “dastardly deeds.” Now, in addition to allowing the Manhattan District Attorney’s
Neighbors Install Homicidal Robots, Rusty Bear Traps to Deter Homeless
Inspired by the placement of two dozen boulders along both sides of Clinton Park, a quiet side street in the Mission, residents of nearby Landers Street have banded together to deter the presence of homeless encampments by placing a series of killer robots and rusty bear traps at irregular intervals.
Global Warming Causes Electrical Fan Use to Increase by 9000% in San Francisco
In 1970 the average low for San Francisco was a little over 53 degrees across summer months. By 2018, that figure was up to a little over 56 degrees. “56 degrees at night in San Francisco is already untenable,” said a local San Franciscan, “But 80 degrees?! We’re not equipped
Global Warming Causes Electrical Fan Use to Increase by 3000% in San Francisco
In 1970 the average low for San Francisco was a little over 53 degrees across summer months. By 2018, that figure was up to a little over 56 degrees. “56 degrees at night in San Francisco is already untenable,” said a local San Franciscan, “But 80 degrees?! We’re not equipped
E-cigarette Executive Claims Only Side-Effect of ‘Vaping’ is looking like a ‘Douche bag’
E-cigarette Executive M. Burns told the press Wednesday, “This recent outbreak of lung injury is not caused by E-Cigarette products,” he said, “we did extensive testing, and the only measurable side effect of using ‘vapes’, was a significant increase in douche levels in the individual.” In fact, dangerous levels of
E-Cig Exec Claims Only Side-Effect of ‘Vaping’ is looking like a ‘Douche bag’
E-cigarette Executive M. Burns told the press Wednesday, “This recent outbreak of lung injury is not caused by E-Cigarette products,” he said, “we did extensive testing, and the only measurable side effect of using ‘vapes’, was a significant increase in douche levels in the individual.” In fact, dangerous levels of