I Was Groped On Muni (Again)
By Kelly O’Grady
There I was, like any other day riding public transportation, I was on my way to the comic book store and I was really in a great mood; As I read my fantasy novel a dark shadow fell on me, “Can I sit next to you” asked a voice with a thick Eastern- European accent. I looked up and saw an old man with a cane and he was wearing a garish knitted turtleneck sweater, which should have been the first tip off of what was going to transpire next. He looked like Bela Lugosi in a Cosby sweater, a terrifying combination.
“Sure you can sit down next to me” I said, and so he did, in doing so he brushed his knee against mine and left it there; it was weird but I figured he was injured or something, (hence the cane) and asked if that was okay. Sometimes I find myself being overly polite and getting into situations I could’ve have avoided, this was one of them.
“Uhh, okay?” I said, (like a guy who something bad is going to happen to) His corduroy clad knee was pressed next to mine for a few minutes as the Muni train lurched down the track. Of course this wasn’t enough for the old man and I felt his hand land on my knee like a dirty old pelican and he asked if that was okay.
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I didn’t even say anything this time he just did it. Now, at this time any reasonable person would say “ Excuse me sir, I don’t want your dirty mitts off my fucking knee, please remove it.”
But I didn’t because once again I’m overly polite and I thought “Maybe that’s what is normal in Bulgaria or wherever he’s from?” My eyes went back to my Fantasy novel:
“Lyrion Gannister penetrated the lusty witch for a fortnight straight, she had told him all of her secrets of her body and her loins were well oiled. When they weren’t fucking they ate Chicken pot- pies and roasted berries, the winter was coming and so was Lyrian Gannister.”
Then the old man interrupted my reading and asked in a low voice “ Is this okay?!!” and his hand shot right for my private area, I leapt up like a blow up balloon man and got off ten blocks from my stop. I didn’t feel like going to the comic book store anymore. I felt like taking a chemical shower. With my day ruined I went to my (then) Girlfriend’s house for some kind of sympathy, but no; she just laughed at me.
*Illustrations by Kelly O’Grady